31: The Legacy of Home

Romans 8: 35, 37-39

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors

through him that loved us.

38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The Legacy of Home

2/3/08

Who am I? Why does He want me?

Why does being His daughter give me value? Why should I have any rights? How dare I make any claim on Him? Why should my existence have value to Him or anyone?

Only in doing good. But I am not perfect, so when I am not good, where is the justification for inflicting myself on others?

I have chosen Him. I will never want to change that choice. At times I am appalled by my audacity and ashamed of the nothing He has claimed as His own. A voice whispers that this should not be so, but could someone please explain to me Why?

This is the strongest example of the psychology of the abused finding voice in my poem journal. This is what is left behind after constant belittlement, ridicule, torment, and disgust by abusers. The feeling you must be perfect, that you have no worth, the shame of existing in the first place, and if you can see that it's not supposed to be that way, the complete incomprehension of why, how.

The gospel, church, taught me the difference between what was and what should be. Years of protection by hundreds of miles away from home has begun to teach me how life can be without the abuse. As I find peace and security in the healthy, the hurt has less hold and sway and the further I get in healing, the faster I'm able to make progress.

The scriptures teach the why. The fact is that God does love me. He does not and never has seen me the way I was taught to see myself. As I recognize and accept His love and patience with and acceptance of others around me I can begin to consider the same for myself. It may not make sense to the me raised at home, but it no longer has to because I can recognize the lunacy of life at home. And that home is no more for me so I am free of it to focus on what is: that God does love me and He wants me back with Him.

16: Just One Day

Isaiah 41: 10

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Just One Day

1/3/06

Hope can seem elusive

When the Evil One draws near

He'd have us focus far ahead

On all that we might fear.

For the future seems uncertain

When looked at from today

Each dream that we might hope for

Could go wrong in every way.

Thus he would entrap our minds

Held fast by fear's intent

That we might re-direct our lives

And, thus, our dreams prevent.

But the Lord gave us the answer

Spoken long ago

That shows how to hold onto

The dreams our hearts still know.

He said, "Take one day at a time

Don't borrow future fears

There's work enough to do right now

Don't waste those precious tears.

"Satan would have you think I can't

Do all I said I would -

I promised I would do the rest

Once you've done all you could.

"So don't worry about tomorrow

We'll get there as we will

There's no need to leap mountains

Just work on this day's hill.

"And as you walk on, day by day,

Though far your dreams appear

Have faith in me, walk by my side

And soon all will be clear.

"Do not fear the Dark One

I'll show the way that's true

You see, I was here long ago -

I walked it once for you.

"So let the future wait for us

We'll get there as we may

For now there's just one moment

For now there's just one day."

Matt 6:34 ; 3 Nephi13:34

I still find myself needing to remember this at times.

In Matthew 6:34 it states ,"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

Sometimes we get so caught up in everything we're trying to work out just right, or anticipating any potential problem to avoid negative attention, or focusing on the magnitude of the mountain ahead of us that we can get paralyzed with the stress of it all. This scripture shows that today, now is what we need to concern ourselves with. It is well to plan and prepare, but don't waste the now on the future. We have enough things to care about today without adding tomorrow's burdens on top of it. Even better is the 3 Nephi version where it ends, "sufficient is the day unto the evil thereof." Now, not only can we stay focused, we also have the assurances that we'll be able to handle it even if it's just a day at a time.

6: Soon

D&C 121:7-8

7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity

and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt

thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

Soon

8/29/05

He tells me soon

My heart's afraid

Of pain I soon must face

A life apart

From one long loved

Hope denied that blessed place.

I've tried so long

Yet times I thought

It time to let home go

But He said, "Wait -

Keep holding on,

My wisdom I will show."

And so I trust

As long I've tried

And work to hush my fears

And wait and hope

That I will not

Have need to dry more tears.

Soon… The two thoughts that come to mind in relation to this poem cover both ends of the spectrum. First is a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon I remember seeing years ago. Calvin was musing that if God gives us things in our lives to accomplish and overcome then God must think an awful lot of him. (Also that Calvin would live forever since his slacker self would take forever to get it done.) This in turn reminds me of 1 Corinthians 10:13. "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

So often in the midst of trials and difficulties it becomes easy to say I can only do this much, or to think I can't handle any more. It was always around those times when I was focused on the idea that it would be over 'soon'. Truly, in the Lord's view of eternity it is soon, but to the mortal perspective, it often does not feel that way. That is why it is so important to hold on to the faith that if the mountain's blocking your path and  Heavenly Father doesn't move it out of your way, then He will give you the strength to conquer it. I've found it helps to focus on one step at a time during the blocks of being overwhelmed and discouraged… Then, when you find yourself with a little more strength than you had before, you can look up and realize just how far you have actually come.