tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21458636657554493082024-02-08T06:15:06.399-08:00Speak For MeSpeak For Me: A poem journal across years of effort learning to break free from parental, familial abuse now known as narcissistic. Also, further discussion of abuse, narcissism, awareness, and resources to be added over time.Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-59643207555818971722018-05-20T19:49:00.001-07:002018-05-20T19:49:59.810-07:00Anger: The Right to be Upset; a Facebook discussion'The right to be upset' : 'anger' : 'righteous indignation'<br />
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A Facebook discussion</div>
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Original Post:<br />
I just heard the phrase 'the right to be upset' following the BYU scripture professor backing off saying Jesus was angry to shifting it to righteous indignation during the cleansing of the temple because he had a right to be upset at how they were treating his home. That framing, of the right to be upset, seems like it may be the tool needed to address this 'anger equals sin' issue I post about so much.<br />
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If I can remember, next time someone implies or states that I am wrong for feeling angry, I intend to ask them straight out if they are saying I don't have the right to feel upset, or to feel something they don't like?<br />
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Because ultimately, it isn't as much about what we feel about something but about what we choose to do about it. Do we bridle it into productive action or do we fly off the handle in any negative action that occurs to us? Just as the sin is not in being tempted but in choosing to act on it, experiencing 'anger' is not automatically sin but rather an incitement to act either negatively or positively. Your choice.<br />
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Positive reactions to what makes us upset:<br />
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Negative reactions to what makes us upset:<br />
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Let's brainstorm, shall we?<br />
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Mary:<br />
I think it is a mindset that keeps being reinforced, intentional or not, and it continually plays into the attitude that "anger" is synonymous with sin. I recently watched a talk from an education week that was focused on us being responsible and accountable for all of the things that happen to us. The speaker expressed that when we react or feel anger, we are embracing Satan's most effective tool, because we get caught up in seeking blame, justice and validation, and end up seeking revenge and leaving and turning against the church. His premise is that we should be asking ourselves if we want to be right or righteous, and keep ourselves close to the scriptures and counsel of our leaders, and leave our angry feelings aside, as to not go down Satan's trail. The things he said have merit, but in a very narrow frame. For him to make it such a broad stroke for everyone who feels anger, regardless of the source, must leave Narcs cheering on the side lines. It left me feeling that speaking out against abuse or expressing anger is rocking a spiritual boat that will only lead us to ruin. What really upset me was the huge amounts of comments he got supporting his talk. Many, many expressed their annoyance with people who allow themselves to be seen as victims, feeling that they just need to deal with it privately and quietly. Many specifically complained about people who have endured sex abuse and domestic violence. After I got over the shock of such insensitivity, I realized there is a very long way to go in the church to see anger in it's proper perspective, and realize that it does have it's place in healing, forgiving, and coming to terms with what to do in the future. We're not talking about going into a rage because someone took the last cookie or said something you didn't like. To lump it all together is not only hurtful, but makes people who are very damaged by real mistreatment and abuse being very much all alone. It's a good thing that Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost understand, because too often they are the only ones to turn to.<br />
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Patsy:<br />
I think of anger as a totally normal and understandable reaction to injustice that we need to try to get past so that we don't get stuck in it.<br />
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Katie:<br />
I also often discourse on the misuse of 'victim' whenever I see it in other groups and posts. Those comments you describe, Mary, would have seriously set me off and made a lot of people mad, ironically considering what they are arguing...<br />
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Patsy:<br />
It's also not someone else's place to decide how we are handling our feelings and how we are progressing in the forgiveness process. If someone told me I had no right to feel angry, I would give them some details of what I have experienced which I'm sure would shock them.<br />
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Mary:<br />
I think part of the reason people, especially members, embrace these attitudes is that it makes it easier to feel they're safe from such things. I have a friend who refers to this attitude as the <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/a-of-f/1?lang=eng" target="_blank">13th Article of Faith </a>syndrome. We should always look for best, etc. etc., but we're not supposed to hide behind it, so we never have to feel worried such a problem could affect us, or feel we should try and show support. When we expect everyone to just handle their serious problems, whatever they are, privately and quietly, we're really saying we don't want to be bothered or deal with anything unpleasant. Patsy is right, we don't want to get stuck in anger, but to process it and move through it. Unfortunately, when people can accuse others of just succumbing to the "sin" of anger, it can shut down the process and make it take longer, or cause someone to actually get stuck in it.<br />
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Katie:<br />
Even the 'getting stuck in anger' can be a problematic statement, though, because that holding on to saying 'this isn't right, this isn't ok' enables the sustained efforts that can address long term efforts to change things and fix problems that take more than just saying no or leaving would accomplish.<br />
In ACON (adult children of narcissists) specific terms, I know part of my finally breaking free was the fourteen months at a certain job that left my brain free to relive everything bad about home till I could finally own the anger I felt instead of preventing the emotion as I'd done for ten years. That sounds backwards from what most say is the right way but I'd lived a backwards situation where it was never entertaining anger, never comprehending a right to feel angry because I was so convinced I was a slave without rights that allowed me to finally admit, years later, that I'd been abused. Healing would never have been possible if I could never admit to injury and that required valuing myself enough to say this wasn't ok. In other words, I was divinely led to relive what finally brought out the anger so that I could actually walk away from what was causing the harm. Otherwise I would have just kept trying to pretend everything was ok while my very being was destroyed because I had no anger to enable the birth of boundaries.<br />
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Katie:<br />
To expound on how important that was: finally allowing the anger at my treatment is what led me to the realization that I didn't want NF (narc father) to be my father in the next life which made the doctrinal logic that verifies that option jump out at me when I came across it. And reaching that conclusion was what HF (Heavenly Father) was waiting for to then prompt me seeking temple blessings again (without familial knowledge). And five days after that was the final NF attack wherein the prompting came that I was done with home, that I could leave and never have to deal with them again. Two months later, I was moving hundreds of miles away. And the anger was key to enabling that because I'd turned it off for so long that it had to be sustained for me to finally allow what it was telling me to sink in.<br />
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Patsy:<br />
In that sense, the anger was healthy. If your anger had led you to become vengeful, then it would have had a negative impact.<br />
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Mary:<br />
I agree that you can't put a timeline on it. When I think of being stuck in anger, I think of some of the people I've seen in some other groups where their anger has just turned into venting and arguing, and lashing out. I think their feelings are real, but I'm not sure if only expressing it that way is gong to get them anywhere. I have appreciated the fact that people in this group have expressed real pain and anger, but try to refrain from being destructive, and trying to deal with their feelings. It is right, though, that we can't decide for others what is ok to feel. You have used your anger to understand and solve problems and move your life forward to heal. That, to me, is using your anger or righteous indignation to listen to the promptings, and then follow through with your actions. Not only is that not a sin, it is very righteous feelings and actions.<br />
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Katie:<br />
That's my point, Patsy. Anger is always and only spoken of as negative which is why people complain of victims dwelling instead of moving on and why it's almost only spoken of in terms of anger equals sin. But there is a whole other side to it that isn't negative and it's dangerous to do that. How many abuse victims are trapped because they have to silence that feeling that says this isn't ok because that would mean they are sinning? It needs to be recognized and discussed as a multi dimensional thing and the focus put on how you choose to respond to it instead of the fact that it even exists.<br />
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Katie:<br />
And that means it needs to be taught, Mary, how to take anger and channel it into the healthy action of righteous indignation (I really dislike that term, so unwieldy and pretentious) instead of letting it drive us into sinful action. I always see the bridle your passions being used just for romantic feelings, but I think it applies to all strong feelings. Bridle your anger to productive use. But that requires a collective comprehension that anger is there for productive use in the first place.<br />
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Patsy:<br />
That seems to be the key: Anger alerts us that something unjust was done. We can then use that response to chose how to proceed. I too have seen people in some other groups (most notably Daughters of Narcissist Mothers) who see anger as the final goal. They wallow in it as if doing so exacts the revenge they dream of, but they are destroying their own humanity in the process. In those cases, their abusers have accomplished their purpose of wreaking havoc on their victims. Psychologists will tell you that we have reached a higher plane when we no longer feel emotional pain when recalling traumatic events. That is my goal.<br />
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Mary:<br />
And that is where the problem comes. People often only hear what they want to, and when victims speaking up are perceived the way they are, especially with speeches over the pulpit, it is easier for people to hide behind the false perception. Education is what it's all about. Speaking up where we can, teaching our own families and close friends etc. all helps. We also have to be realistic and realize we are going to get serious push back, and do our best not to let it trigger us. Channel our anger to the positive, and encourage and support others trying to do the same. We may not be able to turn the whole church around, but do all we can to help people not feel they are alone in the struggle. Using the anger to propel us forward, and then at some point, be able to lay it down is the best way to defeat our Narcs, and is a worthy goal.<br />
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Side note:<br />
Patsy:<br />
We also hear and read about "the wrath of God", so even He gets angry at those who seriously disobey and mock Him.<br />
That's one thing that helps me cope with the injustice of this world -- knowing that sinners will reap the consequences of their actions if they don't repent. We don't have to force justice ourselves. All we have to do is protect ourselves from our abusers and let God take care of the rest.Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-73687563546208054752017-11-10T17:15:00.000-08:002017-11-10T17:15:17.442-08:00One woman's ways to protect children from active narcsNotes on ways to protect your child from active narcissists, found in comments on a post for an emotional and narcissistic abuse page on Facebook, shared with the commenter's permission:<br />
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Stick with basics and on the basis of legal frameworks that Courts can't deny, start there; consent, CRC, mental health guidelines for boundaries and Parenting After Separation, Rainbows Program, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, Anne Katherine's "Where to Draw the Line" or "Where You End and I Begin", that sort of thing. Don't expect anything to change (not honestly, or permanently) on the part of the abuser, that typically doesn't happen, and teach your child the info themselves as you Can't always be there, but the info, and confidence in that info can be. Teach the kids to call 911 and make sure there's a bank account or credit card or billing account for emergency calls to cab companies and hospitals left at these places for the kids, a locker, a backpack, make sure those who work in reception areas know and are willing to comply. Talk to law enforcement you trust on the basis of what they know about these same issues and have crisis counselors who work with them present, take the kids, make sure their equality with you is the Line not to be crossed, by anyone. Same with lawyers. Give your kids the courage and support by helping them to learn to be responsible for themselves and their own well-being, in connection with ONLY those community members and professionals who are in support of child safety (check with local city transportation, sometimes there are foreword or programs for pre-arranged responses, get your kids familiar with them, check to see about McGruff programs or the like). And teach them to keep track of ignored boundaries, boundary errors and boundary violations on their own by teaching them to record these items during quiet times (sent to your room? Awesome, record the request that you made that got you sent there for "whatever excuse" the abuser used to try to make it seem as though you, the child, were doing something wrong, rather than just trying to be responsible and autonomous), teach your kids about the difference between delayed gratification / payment / bribery and make sure they can differentiate so that issues of bribery are seen for the attempts to manipulate punish and control that they are, and it won't take long (If you have mentally and legally healthy supports) to get rid of the narc IF you also make sure to own and change these behaviours if you exhibit any of them. Hopefully your situation won't be like mine where you're up against law enforcement or other corrupt professionals in the justice or enforcement fields, and you're able to get support for the kids from family, friends and community. Everything you can do, the kids can do, too, so teach it; these are necessary life skills. Trying to have anything healthy with someone who has a confirmed disorder and is living in denial about it is as effective as trying to nail jello to the wall... You can still gather the evidence though, so long as there's no one helping the jello obfuscate legally (which is why the basics MUST be in the paperwork, and taught in your home, and other safe places/spaces/homes), this an abusers undoing bc they cannot defend violations that are based on mental health and legal standards.Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-28023982205938147302017-03-09T14:32:00.000-08:002017-03-09T14:32:06.222-08:00Qs for ACONs J#2: Warnings and encouragements for other ACONs?<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What warnings or encouragement do you have/would you give to other ACONs in similar situations?</span><br />
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<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It gets easier with time after going no contact. The anger you feel towards the abusive parent lessens, although it can rear up unexpectedly, even many years later.<br /><br />Forgiveness is important, but it is a process that might take a long time. Forgive<span style="color: #1d2129;">ness doesn't mean you need to mend fences and allow your abuser to be a part of your life.<br /><br />There is hope and healing ahead. I reconciled with a sister (Anna) after not seeing or speaking to her for 25 years. Our fractured relationship was collateral damage because of our nm. We now have a wonderful, loving , healthy and stable relationship. Don't give up hope for family members you want to have a relationship with.<br /><br />~Elsa</span></span></li>
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<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think to follow your own instincts and not let the guilt and the gaslighting, wherever or whoever puts it out there make you doubt yourself. Times when I knew things were way off kilter, even though I didn't understand exactly why, I didn't listen to my inner compass. Things don't always come as promptings, but rather a recognition that the dysfunction you're dealing with is more destructive than it may seem from the outside. I kept trying with certain relationships with family narcs because I didn't want to believe they were so far into the behavior that they were a danger and a threat to everyone around them. They're fueled by hate and anger, a need to control people, and if they can't control them, then just destroy them any way they could find. I kept thinking if I loved them enough, or tried harder etc. etc. etc. somehow they would get to a healthy, loving place and things would be better. Fortunately for me, Heavenly Father gave me such a strong prompting that I needed to find the truth and get to the bottom of things, and I couldn't ignore it. I listened, searched, prayed, did my homework, followed through on things I was told, instead of just believing what I was told, and eventually found the whole depth of all the ugly, evil truth and finally went NC (no contact) with those I needed to for good. I now have great relationships with the emotionally healthy people in the family (Elsa <span class="_47e3 _5mfr" style="line-height: 0; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle;" title="heart emoticon"><img aria-hidden="true" class="img" height="16" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v7/f6c/1/16/2764.png" style="border: 0px; vertical-align: -3px;" width="16" /><span aria-hidden="true" class="_7oe" style="display: inline-block; width: 0px;"><3</span></span> ). My big regret is that I didn't stick to my instincts, and follow through with the NC many years ago. A lot of heartbreak and damage would have been prevented. As Elsa said, once you stick to NC, and time goes on, things get so much better. I have a peace and happiness in my family relationships for several years now that I had never had for even one day in my whole life before that. ~Anna</span></li>
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<li><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Trust yourself and God, first. They want you to doubt yourself, your perception of reality, and everyone except for themselves. This is a large way they maintain control. Learn to be self aware so that when they attack and accuse, you can weigh it for accuracy and dump the lies. Know that you have a whole life ahead of you as soon as you are free to leave. That hope kept me going. When it gets confusing, disengage and focus on what is clear. Don't be surprised if no one else in the family will listen or believe you. Narcissists build a complex web of distortions to support their needs so being born into the middle of one means it's already established how they want it. Look instead for connections that prove the narc patterns wrong. The narcs will try to undermine them because that threatens them, but that is simply more proof of what they are. The more you understand narc patterns and dynamics, the easier it will be to brush off their abuses as their own flaws rather than the flaws they declare are your own. If the abuse is bad enough you have found your way to researching it, there is likely nothing you can do that will correct the intrinsic decay. You can do everything you possibly can and it will never be enough. Instead of blaming yourself for failing as they do, accept it isn't your fault and let go knowing you've done enough. Beware other abusers who tend to recognize abuse victims as vulnerable. Take your time to heal before jumping into a relationship. Know that your successes count and you are far more capable than they will ever acknowledge. Know that perfection is not necessary for satisfaction and sufficient effort. Good enough is a great place to start and as long as you are trying, you are already there. Explore you interests. Try new things. Allow yourself to experience life. Watch the life and community around you to see options you never knew existed, particularly when considering employment and career possibilities. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now go make your life the life you've dreamed of having. ~ Aspen</span></li>
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-61193970077777261792017-02-20T14:54:00.000-08:002017-02-20T14:54:04.608-08:00Qs for ACONs J#1: How has narcissism affected you?<br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Affected what type of man I was attracted to. Not good until I learned. ~ Lone Star</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have very little self esteem. I feel like I don't matter, my needs don't matter, my contributions don't matter. I'd like to be invisible. When people say kind things, no matter how sincere or well deserved, I cannot accept these compliments. They <span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">roll off of me, like water off a duck. For example, on Sunday a member of the Stake presidency told me how outstanding my son is. He truly is, but I said "thank you, but I can't take credit. He had good seminary teachers and YM leaders." Pres. H insisted that I did deserve much of the credit, but that's very, very tough for me to acknowledge.~Elsa. (Since Let it Go is my life's anthem.)</span></span></li>
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<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My issues are very similar to Elsa, and we grew up with the same NM and NS, but I actually did feel invisible growing up. I was the oldest, but much older, and always felt like I was watching a program I wasn't actually part of. Some of it was too painful to watch, and the rest of it just left me feeling like I wanted my life to be somewhere else. I've also also always lived with a never fixable sense of loss. Elsa coming back in my life has done a great deal to help heal that feeling of loss. ~ Anna</span></span></li>
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<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I always feel like I am invisible to people and like I won't be remembered. I feel confused like I am lost in space when I am around that type of personality. I felt like my thoughts were being read by my N.M. and I had no privacy around her. I felt like a prisoner since I was at least 8 yrs of age crying grateful that I only had 10 more years before I could leave home which I did do at 18. ~ Angel Wings</span></span></li>
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<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Narcissism attacks their victims' perception of self and their place in the world. In a religious context, it also undermines our ability to have a healthy relationship with God. This happens on multiple fronts. If you are always being told not to bother people, praying means you are bothering God. When even your basic needs as a child are resentfully and minimally fulfilled, it becomes very hard to feel like you can ask for/pray for anything beyond what you absolutely have to have to survive. When the narc uses (abuses) their claim to authority (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/121.34-40?lang=eng#33">D&C 121:34-40</a>), those behavior patterns are then anticipated in other authority figures and those in similar positions as the abuser. That is part of the PTSD that commonly occurs in child abuse. In my case, my sense of God often distorts from the gentle, patient, kind being to an all-powerful version of the dominant narc in my life. And that is a terrifying concept. I've been working on changing that pattern by choosing to believe myself instead of what the programming declares, but it takes work. That is actually integral to overcoming the abuse on all fronts. Part of narc abuse is something called gas-lighting, which means they actively work to undermine the victim's sense of reality. The more they can train us to doubt ourselves, the more control they have. Overall, it has meant I have had minimal support throughout life and now no contact with any family since they have either adopted narcissism themselves, are enablers, or want to hide from the fact that the family dynamics are rotten to the core. ~ Aspen</span></li>
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-8215724153542594882016-09-05T03:23:00.000-07:002016-09-05T03:23:24.051-07:00The Narcissist and the Empath<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These are the thoughts of a fellow support group member with some minor editing and formatting to help keep track of which is being addressed in the given paragraph. Used with permission, but they requested to remain anonymous.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It starts with this:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Need to get my thoughts in a row about what I've learned about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), so they're not just going in circles around my head with the potential to get lost and confused in it all. Doing that here. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is just some of what I have come to learn so far. I am hoping it can be of help to others. It also helps me to get it down and I might as well do that on a platform others can benefit from and offer input to, rather than a personal journal, where there is no interaction. I am open to learning more and also aware that my self expression can be confused at times from my intent.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thoughts begin here:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">People with NPD get angry when they are called out for what they are. They do not have a sense of personal identity, only superiority. When this superiority is challenged, they become defensive. They will latch onto people with identities of status they approve of, to boost themselves.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Empaths [highly sensitive, empathetic people] get angry when they get labelled for what they are not.<br />They have a strong sense of self and try to express this. When they're called something they're not, they question themselves and how they can better express who they are.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 19.32px;">But the person with NPD understands the initial response of anger as indication that's exactly what we are [also NPD], because that is what they experience. They think we are manipulative like them.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">People with NPD do not experience complexity of emotion. Their minds are challenged developmentally. They continue to behave as a child throughout adulthood. Emotion for them is on a base level and is used as manipulation to get what they need.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A healthy mind grows out of this narcissistic stage and gains a level of independence, without relying on others to meet their needs, so they can grow.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In reality, people with narccasitic traits are far more complex and can be very interesting to unravel and study or even find humour in. But directly try to do this to someone with NPD, they will take it as an attack on all they've built to survive. But the surface level of all they express is very simple and even predictable. They expect others to be like that too, because they don't empathise. They get very angry when people with more developed minds don't act in the way the expect. Their need to need to control others and be seen as superior makes them masters of manipulation. They will draw others down, so they have control again and feel safe. Their ego is their fragile defense mechanism.</span></div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The empath's brain has developed to a greater potential. The mind has expanded to think and feel to infinite extents. We can imagine new ideas and choose to make an imprint of positivity on the world and learn to dismiss the judgement that inhibits us. We are capable of empathy. By feeling others' pain, we can alleviate suffering. We nurture and protect, knowing that it is better to do things for the good of the tribe and our environment, than become a soul-predator, destructive to everything in our path.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We can see someone vulnerable, learn what they need, and help them, rather than take advantage or impose ourselves in ways that only cause further distress. We can learn and make personal sacrifice to alleviate suffering of others. We can do things for ourselves, without harming others. We know that everyone is different and can celebrate that, rather than putting them into boxes and dragging them down to raise ourselves up (preventing progress as a society, rather than being the change).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A sensitive child in the care of a parent with NPD is dangerous. Automatically, from birth, the narcissistic parent (NP) sees their child as inferior. We are meant to improve their status, not diminish it. They get angry at anything we do that reflects badly on them. The goal for them is to harden our hearts and limit our minds. They'll try and turn us into something that is useful to them, rather than supporting us to flourish as individuals. They take advantage of a child's natural born instinct to unconditionally love whoever is presented before them and then bleed this dry.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Someone with NPD is not socially inept. Far from it. They take the world at surface value and mold themselves to fit among it. They know the difference between right and wrong. These rules simply do not apply to them and their superiority complex. So when they abuse us, they see themselves as justified. It is all to their own means [purposes/gain]. They enjoy breaking us and then showing a false persona to the rest of the world.</span></div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Healthy people who have not experienced this kind of abuse will believe the false persona, over the truth of our experience. They too often will not believe that anyone could act that way. Especially a parent, who in society is known to be a self-sacrificing, caring individual. NP will use this to their advantage and feed it into their manipulation, isolating their victim, while inflating their need for power and status.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">People with NPD don't care about others over themselves, or feel others' pain. Why anyone would choose to feel another person's pain is backward to them, as it serves them no purpose. Nor do they understand why anyone would openly show vulnerability. They see it as a weakness, rather than a strength. Therefore, to them, the empath is inferior. They refuse to be associated with with anyone inferior and a threat to their status. They will try and stamp out the qualities they don't like about their sensitive children, using their own fear and shame to do this.</span></div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They tell us not be sensitive. They can try to make us an equal to them. They can respect an equal and self serving actions. They also thrive on competition. If we try to assert ourselves as individuals, they are jealous of our authenticity. They may like what we have and try to destroy it or claim it for themselves. They will create conflict of which the goal for them is winning, being right, and creating drama, so attention is diverted to them. Feeding off us in any way they can.</span></div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They don't accept defeat. That would require letting go of their superiority complex and putting them in the last position they want to be in and goes against everything they believe essential to survival. The concept of letting go of the idea of winning and instead meeting a mutual understanding is alien to them and serves them no purpose, so they don't care. They don't understand supporting another being, without getting anything in return.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We can try and change someone with NPD. But it is to no avail, when the person with NPD does not see why they should change. The person with NPD may even try to change, out of desperate need to reclaim Nsupply. If you tell them you want them to listen you etc and they fear abandonment otherwise, they will do this. But it quickly becomes draining on them. They are getting a taste of what they have done to their children their whole lives and don't like it. They very quickly revert to their old ways. To them, they have done enough to serve their need and now they can continue to use you to their means, which they never really gave up in the first place. As everything they do is, its all a ploy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="line-height: 19.32px;">The closest that people with NPD can have to healthy relationships is with people they see as equal. This involves them stroking their egos, deeming them worthy enough to be stroked back. This is their idea of love. The equal will engage in conflict, but let the person with NPD win. The equal provides a level of status and makes them look good in front of others. The equal will defend and enable the person with NPD's behavior and provide a network of protection. It is always a dependent relationship. There is always something they can offer the equal, in return for having their superiority catered to and accepted. Engaging in such a relationship means sacrificing a lot on your own part, to receive little sacrifice in return.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The person with NPD rejects anyone that might expose them. Turns them into the enemy and gets others to back them up. They only make themselves stronger, when met with threat, so it is tremendously difficult to expose them for their flaws. They are quick to point them out in other people, but their sense of superiority prevents them from choosing to acknowledge flaws in themselves.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They don't accept they have a disorder unless they think they can somehow use that to their advantage.They know that narcissism is frowned upon and deemed socially unacceptable and demonized, so for many of them, outing themselves would be social suicide and must be avoided at all costs.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="line-height: 19.32px;">Because of the nature of the disorder, they very rarely get help and even if they do, they find a way to sabotage that, in favor of denying their flaws. Accepting flaws rings danger bells to them and they are quick to back away from that and then cover their tracks.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They try to enforce society's rules on us too, so we're compliant and can't</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> use the system to our advantage, rather than exposing corruption and challenging it for the harm it causes. That would be the same as exposing traits [flaws] and challenging them in oneself. They see anarchy as a threat and something to be done privately for the benefit of themselves, never others.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They don't do anything for others, unless they can see how it will help themselves. They need to feel like they're going to be backed up with a safety net and supported and will never put all they've built for themselves at risk. Anyone who does so is crazy in their mind.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When their children act out, they thrive on the drama. Completely compliant children don't create enough of this for them, so they try to create it. Negative Nsupply can make them feel much better and more powerful than positive Nsupply. They think acting out is for attention and play into that, as long as they have control. They can offer Nsupply when they receive it in return. When they think we're escaping their control, they will even 'love-bomb', which is extensive ego-stroking, but not actual unconditional love, which they are incapable of, because that requires empathy and openness of vulnerability.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Their 'parenting' has two main possible outcomes, abused sensitive children with PTSD, or children who also develop NPD, both are destructive. Children learn from example and even empathetic people can carry *Nfleas. But the empath understands how these can hurt others and see this is wrong and learn to get rid of such traits. The children with NPD don't learn this and carry on the same harmful cycles. We're all a bit narcissistic and that's normal and okay, but when it's to a degree that causes harm to others, that is not okay.</span></div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; line-height: 19.32px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We're all capable of learning to be positive people and that is part of what life's journey is about and we surely must make mistakes to develop as a person. Its not learning from those mistakes that is damaging. The superiority complex of narcissism makes it so negatively acting people see no point in changing their ways. It is possible for people with narcissistic traits to behave positively, but they have to get Nsupply from it in return and see an outcome that is useful to them, or else it is wasted energy. If the outcome is simply to help others and express kindness, that is very unappealing and just draining to them, They will find a way to sabotage it, so attention can be diverted to them. They have no concern how their self-serving need is draining and harmful to others, as long their need is met.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*</span></div>
<span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: #1d2129; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.08px;"> </span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: #1d2129; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.08px;"><span class="UFICommentBody">Narcasistic flea. (Frightening Leftovers of Emotional Abuse) We can develop narcissistic traits from being in proximity with people with NPD. It doesn't mean we also have NPD, especially because we can hold ourselves accountable for our actions and change. The fleas often drop off after we no longer have contact with our abusers, as they can no longer feed and we learn to behave positively.</span></span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-2444490148437174342016-06-15T12:00:00.000-07:002016-06-15T12:00:17.489-07:00Afterword<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Afterword</span></div>
<div style="color: grey; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Friday,
May 04, 2012</span></div>
<div style="color: grey; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1:04 PM</span></div>
<div style="color: grey; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I woke, this morning
thinking of a boy I knew during high
school. With youth group activities, we were sometimes near enough to interact and there were a few
times when I was a less than well-behaved. Looking back, I remember feeling a
vague sense that I was not being nice, maybe even a bully, but it was too vague
a sense to truly grasp. What I did feel was that I finally had a turn to be in
control, that I wasn't the one being emotionally and psychologically battered.
That I wasn't weak.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What I was doing was
treating him as I was always treated at home and the chance to get out of my
own hated weakness somehow lent itself to me reversing the role onto someone
else who was, in truth, innocent. I would guess that is why it is so common for
abuse victims to turn around and become abusers themselves. I can't say how
many times I've looked back, mainly on one particular evening, with great
regret and remorse. The truth was, I always respected this boy and while he was
always a bit aloof when I was around, he was also still always respectful, even
after I had hit him with every 'boys are stupid' and such-like that I'd had
available. It is even more ironic for me to remember that he was, as I saw it,
also a popular boy and far from the type one might normally imagine as a bully
target.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The truth is, it had
nothing to do with him. I didn't understand what I was doing then, but over the
years as I have looked back on these memories, I know that I was simply
desperate to not feel so powerless myself and he happened to be there. I think
also, it might have been so easy because he was a good kid and since I always
was trying so hard to be good and still had everything turned against me, his
goodness made it easier for me to funnel it all off of myself. At least, that's
what it felt like at the time.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The second time such
an opportunity came around, I was not as nice as would be hoped, but I was very
vocal about making sure we weren't paired up again in the etiquette dinner. I
believe that was a combination of me fighting the urge, poorly, to behave as I
had the year before, and subconsciously trying to protect him from that urge to
be horrible to him again. He may never know the truth of those years, but I
have learned from it, and I believe the experience may find value in the
understanding of others. For I believe that understanding brings far greater
power than simple knowledge. With understanding, we are given the perspective
needed to act with wisdom. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5/21/16</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just FYI, but aside from learning to break the cruel sarcasms pattern from home (which the Spirit pointed out to me in 7th grade and I worked hard to eliminate in myself from that point on), this experience was really the only time this behavior came out. Mostly, my nature has been to observe and engage when applicable.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If the siblings find their way to this blog, I'm sure they would claim otherwise, but the misnomer of 'bossy' because I was expected to ensure all chores were completed and everything in the house was perfect is not the same. Especially when a single request/reminder was reported to the parents as out of line so that I'd get in trouble and they wouldn't have to do anything. Oh, but the chore was still required, which now, conveniently, was my problem. As I said - not the same thing at all.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On another note, this concludes what I have long called my 'Poem Journal', which covers the more critical years of my efforts to break away from an abusive home and the thoughts and emotions that would build and spill out in poem form because they had nowhere else to go. I imagine I will find other related topics to post about in the future, so this is not farewell. I may post older, related poems (I've one in particular in mind if I can track it down) or ones written since. I may re-post some from my main blog, Of Good Report. I have a whole <a href="http://admonitionofpaul.blogspot.com/p/confronting-abuse.html">section</a> there about dealing with abuse. Whatever and whenever, this topic is near and dear to me and I will continue to speak about it so that maybe others will learn to speak up as well.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-50108600108624504952016-06-08T12:00:00.000-07:002016-06-08T12:00:14.042-07:0036: Lazarus Heart?<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/32.26-27?lang=eng#25"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Alma 32: 26-27</span></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">26 Now, as I said
concerning faith -- that it was not a perfect knowledge -- even so it is with
my words. Ye cannot know of their surety at first, unto perfection, any more
than faith is a perfect knowledge.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">27 But behold, if ye
will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and
exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to
believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye
can give place for a portion of my words.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lazarus Heart?</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1/15/09</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My heart lies cold -
its life spent out</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On hope for home and
kin</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So freely seen in
neighbor lives,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So many gathered in.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Long coveted I what
is not so</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In Promise' timeless
face</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Till empty strength
and empty time</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Forfeit this solo
race.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now body shall live
though heart has died,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though no-one sees
to mourn</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">'Less Lazarus heart
the Lord shall raise -</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Should thus His will
be borne.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Even when you have
no strength left and have to let go, you can remember that the Lord can raise
anything from death - be it hope, love, life, peace, safety, understanding. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We are taught that
if we can only desire to believe, that it is enough for the Lord to work with.
So too, I believe, can He work with what we see as our failures in life -
strength, family, work, health. He can make them all find life again. So even
when we lose hope, we can remember Lazarus and hope again.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-23360810672727184002016-06-01T12:00:00.000-07:002016-06-01T12:00:16.948-07:0035: How? When<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/55.8-9?lang=eng#7">Isaiah 55: 8-9</a></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">8 For my thoughts
are not your thought,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">9 For as the heavens
are higher than the earth,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">so are my ways higher than your ways,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and my
thoughts than your thoughts.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/4.9?lang=eng#8">Mosiah 4:9</a></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Believe in God;
believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in
earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in
earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can
comprehend.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/9.6?lang=eng#5">Isaiah 9: 6</a></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For unto us a child
is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder:
and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The
everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How? When</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6/15/08</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To face a fear so
long a threat</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To not fear the hurt
they gave</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To break the chains
of fear they hold</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To breathe free,
feel calm, stay safe.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wish I knew how
not to fear</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To believe no harm
can be done</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That the monsters of
my past are dead</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To believe that
threat is gone.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Somehow he must
become a face</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not one I've known
for years</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Somehow the threat
must empty out</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Somehow lay rest
these fears.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They say he cannot
hurt me</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though still he yet
may try</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They say I must just
forward face</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And leave these
fears to die?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But perhaps 'how?'
is the wrong question - Better still is 'When'.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0in 1.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><Ralph
Marston></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When</span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0in 3in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> the
fears that hold you back </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">When</span> your reasons to move forward outweigh<span style="text-decoration: line-through;"> your excuses for staying put</span>, you
will move forward.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">…</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">…</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">…</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">When</span> you are ready, life is here to fully live.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Choose it, and<span style="font-weight: bold;"> now</span> is when.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ralph Marston</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The truth is not
worrying so much about the how. The Lord will provide what is needed if we stay
in tune with Him. He will also manage the speed. More often than not, in my
efforts with the ultimate Counselor (see Isaiah 9:6) He has said 'not yet' more
than He has said 'time to move on'. Whatever the timing is, when you are ready,
the way will be there.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-28110438001623701202016-05-25T12:00:00.000-07:002016-05-25T12:00:10.139-07:0034: Nothing Left<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/13.28-29?lang=eng#27">Alma 13: 28-29</a></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">28 But that ye would
humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and
pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and
thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek submissive, patient, full
of love and all long-suffering;</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">29 Having faith on
the Lord; having a hope that ye shall receive eternal life; having the love of
God always in your hearts, that ye may be lifted up at the last day and enter
into his rest.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/36.3?lang=eng#2">Alma 36: 3</a></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">...whosoever shall
put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles,
and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nothing Left</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4/15/08</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">'How much longer?'
the question echoes,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, 'Can I make
it?' is close behind.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They say I have to
care.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yet I have nothing
left to give.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so I mourn</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because I fail.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But at least I gave
my all.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so I can rest as
down I fall</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And hope in the arms
that will catch me.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Someone I know once
told me of a dream she tends to have when faced with an obstacle requiring
faith. It is as follows.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She is walking on a
path towards a great cliff, the top of which she knows is heaven. The path is
easy at first with pretty flowers along the way. As it goes it gets a bit
steeper and more difficult but it is still quite manageable. Then it becomes
more of rock climbing and requires all her concentration. It takes great effort
but she is doing it. Her strength begins to fail and she begins to fear.
Looking below, the rocks look like jagged teeth and she knows it will be her
doom if she falls and the thought of having to try climbing again after is more
than she can handle. She begins to pray and can hear the Father and the Son
above telling her to let go. Of course she cannot let go so she keeps trying,
climbing till the surface provides no more hand-holds and her fingers have been
bloodied to the bone. Still above, they encourage her to let go. She dares not,
but soon her fingers have worn down so much they break and she falls. She
mourns as she sees heaven get further and further away. Shortly before she hits
the bottom, the Savior catches her and carries her to the top. On the way he
asks her, "Did you really think I would let you fall?"</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The scriptures tell
us that 'we know that it is by grace that we are saved after all that we can
do.' We can't save ourselves. We must be on the right path and continuing
forward as well as we can manage, but despite what my dad always tried to
convince me, we can't and aren't expected to be able to do it all ourselves.
Having obstacles that require more than we personally can manage are
opportunities to turn to the Lord and trust in Him. Trust that He will make it
right. Trust that He has provided the way to recompense the hurts against you,
that He will guide you in a way that will make even more good come from the bad
than you could imagine. Let His atonement give you strength and courage and
peace. He suffered for everything. Your sins and others'. The illnesses and
deaths. The heartaches and hurts and distresses of everyone. He knows. He
cares. And He is there waiting for all of us to let Him into our lives so that
He can help make it right even when the actions of others stand ready to tear
us down. Trust His guidance and when this mortal probation is over you will
find more than you ever imagined possible.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-58862043110773961572016-05-18T12:00:00.000-07:002016-05-18T12:00:01.082-07:0033: Silent Hope<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/prov/13.12?lang=eng#11"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Proverbs 13: 12</span></a></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hope deferred maketh
the heart sick:</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Silent Hope</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I learned a truth at
younger age</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Of protection in not
being;</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That releasing claim
on rights or wants</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Numbs life's
constant sting.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For if I have no
claim on love</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Withheld leaves no
surprise</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So why does silent
hope spring forth</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To see love in one's
eyes?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">'Tis good the Lord
still holds my heart</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In His protective
care</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For else it'd die so
many deaths</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As each hope bails
on fare.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.375in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(11/18/08)</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I truly survived by
convincing myself I was nothing more than a slave. A slave has no rights
therefore nothing can be done against a slave that is wrong. Therefore there
should be no cause for feeling hurt at what happens. It did not make all of the
hurt go away, but it cut it down by a good half. And if you don't let yourself
want anything, that want can't be held against you as punishment or
manipulation.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is the same idea
expressed by the lead male in the dance movie <span style="font-style: italic;">Step
Up</span>. The girl asked him what he hoped for his future and his response was
that it was safer not to hope because then it wouldn't hurt when it didn't
happen.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Loss and rejection
is hard and it becomes devastating when repeated over and over. Each time we
hope and our hope proves false can make it that much harder to try again. But
ultimately, we can't let hope go for it will prove true if we hold on long
enough. The way I sometimes had to keep it alive was to tuck it away like a
seed waiting for spring to come again and fresh ground to try once more.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-13979712945303861992016-05-11T12:00:00.000-07:002016-05-11T12:00:08.452-07:0032: No Arms<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/1.15?lang=eng#14"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2 Nephi 1:15</span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But behold, the Lord
hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and am encircled
about eternally in the arms of his love.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No Arms</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2/6/08</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have no arms to
pull me home</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No arms to pull me
safely in</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No place of peace to
rest my heart</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No endless refuge
from the storm.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No arms to shield me
from the pain</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or hold away a
threatening for</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No arms to wipe the
tired tears</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or wait for mournful
sobs to slow.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have no arms to
claim my own</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That wish to hold me
ever near</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No arms to share a
loving warmth</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To hold me close to
someone dear.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(3/26/12 - 2 Nephi
1:15 - Ensign April '12)</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<a href="https://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/04/the-loving-arms-of-christ?lang=eng"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"The Loving Arms of Christ"</span></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">see 'Arms of Love'</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For a long time I
particularly treasured hugs because it made me feel like if someone was
actually willing to touch me then I must not be so horrible as I'd been made to
feel. Just as I sought comfort being wrapped in my blanket the day I found my
mother dead, I have sensed a security and comfort intimated in being held close
by another. I have longed for that feeling to be proven real. It means welcome
and acceptance and concern and love and protection and I have craved that
reality for so long.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A bit over four
years after writing this particular poem, the Lord showed me that while I've
not had an actual person filling that role, He has ever been there with His
arms stretched out in my need and He has held me close in His care. When I read
the words that spoke these thoughts I knew immediately the Lord was answering
this poem's prayer. Someday I will also have a husband and a home and a family
and I will not only have the arms to hold me close but I will also be able to
hold them close as well. In the meantime, I must be content to share what hugs
I can with others.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-91747352538102391362016-05-07T15:32:00.000-07:002016-05-07T15:32:54.306-07:0031: The Legacy of Home<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/rom/8.35,37-39?lang=eng#34">Romans 8: 35, 37-39</a></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">35 Who shall
separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or
persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">37 Nay, in all these
things we are more than conquerors</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">through him that loved us.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">38 For I am
persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor
powers, nor things present, nor things to come,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">39 Nor height, nor
depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of
God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/a5ecCH3Uszc" width="420"></iframe>
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The Legacy of Home</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">2/3/08</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Who am I? Why does
He want me?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Why does being His
daughter give me value? Why should I have any rights? How dare I make any claim
on Him? Why should my existence have value to Him or anyone?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Only in doing good.
But I am not perfect, so when I am not good, where is the justification for
inflicting myself on others?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I have chosen Him. I
will never want to change that choice. At times I am appalled by my audacity
and ashamed of the nothing He has claimed as His own. A voice whispers that
this should not be so, but could someone please explain to me Why?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This is the
strongest example of the psychology of the abused finding voice in my poem
journal. This is what is left behind after constant belittlement, ridicule,
torment, and disgust by abusers. The feeling you must be perfect, that you have
no worth, the shame of existing in the first place, and if you can see that
it's not supposed to be that way, the complete incomprehension of why, how. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The gospel, church,
taught me the difference between what was and what should be. Years of
protection by hundreds of miles away from home has begun to teach me how life
can be without the abuse. As I find peace and security in the healthy, the hurt
has less hold and sway and the further I get in healing, the faster I'm able to
make progress.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The scriptures teach
the why. The fact is that God does love me. He does not and never has seen me
the way I was taught to see myself. As I recognize and accept His love and
patience with and acceptance of others around me I can begin to consider the
same for myself. It may not make sense to the me raised at home, but it no
longer has to because I can recognize the lunacy of life at home. And that home
is no more for me so I am free of it to focus on what is: that God does love me
and He wants me back with Him.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-35399371427673620472016-04-20T12:00:00.000-07:002016-04-20T12:00:08.567-07:0030: Free to live<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-cor/12?lang=eng"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">1 Corinthians 12:20-22, 25-26</span></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">20 But now are they
many members, yet but one body.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">21 And the eye
cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the
feet, I have no need of you.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">22 Nay, much more
those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble are necessary:</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">25 That there should
be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one
for another.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">26 And whether one
member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all
the members rejoice with it.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><u>Free to live</u></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><u><br /></u></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">12/30/07</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This path I entered
years ago</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Has come at last to
end</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And now I stand with
aching heart</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But joy for my lost
friend.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I walked the path
the Lord bade me</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In faith, though
strength did fade</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But faith proved
true and through the end</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">With honor have I
stayed.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So now my path's to
be my own</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And free I am to
live</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">To walk, and wish,
and will, and want</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">All God's blessing
He will give.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It felt like I had
lost a friend in leaving family behind. Truth is, it was more an imagined ideal
I had hoped for that was lost. Family should love and care about each other;
what makes each person special and unique coming together in a unity of love and
respect. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It was not so, but I
can do all I can to someday build a family like I wished so much mine had been.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-79736623620141439102016-04-13T12:00:00.000-07:002016-04-13T12:00:09.875-07:0029: Will You See? Will You Hear?<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/col/3.20-21?lang=eng#19"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Colossians 3: 20-21</span></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">20 Children, obey
your parents in all things:</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">21 Fathers,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">provoke
not your children to anger,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">lest they be discouraged.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/136.32?lang=eng#31"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">D&C 136: 32</span></a></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Let him that is
ignorant learn wisdom by humbling himself and calling upon the Lord his God,
that his eyes may be opened that he may see, and his ears opened that he may
hear;</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Will You See? Will You Hear?</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">9/7/07</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When did you kill
the Me in your hearts?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When did it cease to
be home?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When did you forfeit
my dearness to duty?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When did I turn to
task in form?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">They say they have
love, and care and concern</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And seek for the
state of my soul</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Yet that soul
they've denied, disdained and despised</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Ill-handled and
painted as coal.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">My choices are
judged for reflections on them</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Though they claim
they seek only my good</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Yet if I should
stray down a path they view wrong</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Then, 'Attack! 'til
she's back where she stood!'</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Their view won't
allow for a path they can't see</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So they've stated
they will not support</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Blind to revealing
my worth to be</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Known only in 'good'
report.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">They'd help when
required by duty they know</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Standing in judgment
and self-sure repose</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Just as I've seen
towards brothers of blood</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So, the same unto
me, I'd suppose.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I care not for this
bond, for bondage it is,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">For this fight I'm
doomed never to win</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Worth ever dying in
expectations passed</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Back at zero to
always begin.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So stuck, I lament,
as this tale I began</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Though in answers I
see no release</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">For freedom I seek
from these chains so absurd</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And in freedom, for
once, lasting peace.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">(also 9/7/07)</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">These words may seem
harsh but I've lived with their truth and I wish to be free of it. Few seem
able to comprehend the connection between words and the thoughts they betray,
but the truth of them I know so deeply it sets my teeth on edge. For knowing changes
nothing. And while 'All is Well' I must LET all be well lest contention be laid
to <span style="text-decoration: underline;">my</span> charge, all the while
knowing that all is most definitely NOT well. I hate even the thought of
interaction with parental units for this very reason. Oh! It makes me sick
inside, I hate it! But I'm stuck, for I, too, know duty. Oh, that our paths
could be independent that I could respect and honor them on theirs and be free of the nothingness
I've known under them on mine. Compulsion engenders no love towards masters. As
family I love them, but rarely have they chosen to submit the master to the
parent. Anger and offended pride win out by a landslide. THAT is what I have
learned to trust though there is not trust engendered by it. And I would be
free of it.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Let truth win out
and let me be free.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Only, tell me how?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Please</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It was a day short
of three weeks later that Heavenly Father let me know I could leave without
looking back. </span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-30557626102355701102016-04-06T12:00:00.000-07:002016-04-06T12:00:16.887-07:0028: Not Like Others<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/moses/7.30?lang=eng#29"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Moses 7:30</span></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And were it possible
that man could number the particles of the earth, yea, millions of earths like
this, it would not be a beginning to the number of thy creations; and thy
curtains are stretched out still; and yet thou art there, and thy bosom is
there; and also thou art just; thou art merciful and kind forever;</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not Like Others</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">7/26/07</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Only one of many</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Watching as numbers
surge and swell and decline all around.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Wondering where I
fit in.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Many ways I turn I
see places where others have made room.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For spaces of time I
welcome the welcome,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I keep watching
for the place that is mine.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Few understand this
urge for different.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am not like
others.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Others look for any
fitting place and then seek to fit their choice.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I seek the place
that is mine.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have learned that
to fit the places other seek and see,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The part that is <span style="font-style: italic;">me</span> must be cut away.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though I have often
wondered why I am,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have just as often
discovered the drive to protect what is me.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I do not understand
what that is, or why it should be so foreign</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That so many shy
away from it or attack with scorn in fear.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All I know is that I
am not like others.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Understanding this
in junior high made life a lot easier for me.
I did not have to feel like I had to fit in, like I needed to fit the
patterns of the people around me. As a past bishop once taught, expectations
can cause complications if we set them beyond healthy bounds. His point was
more that we would find discouragement in failing expectations we could not
realistically have achieved under our personal ability to ensure. I think this
applies also to our place in the world and society around us. When we accept
that we don't have to be like others, we will prove less susceptible to
peer-pressure. The one place where I was vulnerable was at home, but in the
past years I have learned I don't have to be like them or fit into the place
they demanded either. And it feels good to know that I'm original. </span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-46200276991035025452016-03-23T12:00:00.000-07:002016-03-23T12:00:30.163-07:0027: The Choice of Jerusalem<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/26.3?lang=eng#2"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mosiah 26: 3</span></a></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And now because of
their unbelief</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">they could not understand the word of God;</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and their hearts were
hardened.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Choice of Jerusalem</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: left;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Summer 07, 1/6/08,
2/1/08</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Had I been in
Jerusalem</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The time The King
first came</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Would I have mocked,
and spurned, and scorned</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">His Blessed, Holy
Name?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Would I have walked
in wondering steps</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The path that Jesus
trod?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Would I have known
those steps to mark</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The only way to God?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am not in
Jerusalem</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But still I have
this choice</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To stray or fight
the truth He speaks</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or heed His Holy
Voice.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You, as well, must
make your choice</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For hope He died to
give</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To heed or hate, the
choice is yours,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">His gift that we
might live.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Jewish religion
is one of the oldest in the world. It was the parent of Christianity. Yet so
few of the Jews were willing to recognize the Messiah when He came because He
was not the answer they wanted.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here, in this time,
I was raised in Christianity and understand how and why it had to be as it was
- the suffering Messiah before the conquering Messiah. But if I was not raised
to understand, I wonder how foreign and strange it would seem to me. Sometimes
I try to think of the world and how I would perceive everything without this
knowledge and then how I would react to someone telling me of the gospel. It
has allowed me build a stronger testimony of its truth and I hope I would have
had the strength of character to truly listen, consider, and accept it had I
been there back then.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-59120216879136600922016-03-16T12:00:00.001-07:002016-03-16T12:00:26.453-07:0026: Hope<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-pet/3.15?lang=eng#14"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1 Peter 3: 15</span></a></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But sanctify the
Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man
that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hope</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2/18/07</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The flame of hope
wants to be shared</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But must be guarded
well</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">From those who have
not eyes to see</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Who'd try its
strength to tell.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They blow to try
your strength and will</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To keep it burning
on</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They blow for fear
what it will show</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For long their
flame's been gone.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So guard you
precious hope and faith</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">From those who wish
to kill</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For doubt or fear -
it matters not - </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just keep it burning
still.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hope can melt the
ice of fear</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And fuel the tired
heart</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And lift another's
burden clear</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And prompt a better
start.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So guard your
precious hope and faith</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To share with those
who see</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That hope gives
strength when wisely shared</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And sets the bound
heart free.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Out of faith, hope,
and charity, hope is the least represented it seems. I see faith as the belief
in something we may not understand that motivates us to act accordingly. Hope
is the expectation that our faith is not in vain. I believe it is a symbiotic
relationship - they feed each other. Without them, we may act, but it would not
be the same for we would feel the actions were empty of meaning. This in turn
would ultimately lead to abandoning the actions or resenting whatever actions
we continued. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is the original
source of charity, the pure love Christ offered us that allows us the chance to
have faith and hope. By overcoming the effects of death and sin, life and our
actions have meaning again. Instead of emptiness there is a future possible of
continued life for everyone. There is hope.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-88240356683577579372016-03-12T12:00:00.000-08:002016-03-12T12:00:04.730-08:0025: Help Will Come<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/68.6?lang=eng#5">D&C 68: 6</a></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Wherefore, be of
good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you;
and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus
Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and
that I am to come.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Help Will Come</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">2/18/07</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">No matter how alone
you feel</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Or, in truth, you
may well be</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Or how you cry out
in your soul</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">For <span style="text-decoration: underline;">one</span> to trust continually.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">No matter how you
search and look</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And still there is
no-one</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Have faith, be
still, do not lose hope</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">For always, help
will come.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The source, each
different, yet the same</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The Lord works
through the ones who will</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Each help made equal
to each need</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Shows us the Lord is
faithful still.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">He sends one soul to
listen well</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Another to suggest</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And when there's
no-one to give hope</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">By <span style="font-style: italic;">His</span> help we'll be blessed.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So though heart,
faith and hope are tired</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And still you have
no-one</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Have faith, be
still, do not give up</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And hope, for help
will come.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Coming from the
family problems that so dominated my life, I do not and have not had the family
support that I watch so many others regularly fall back on. All the same, there
has always been the help needed when something was beyond my own capabilities.
Sometimes I could talk to one friend or another, sometimes I happened across a
random reference that helped me understand, sometimes a random stranger
appeared more than willing to help, sometimes
my dreams would give me perspective, sometimes it was simply a blessing
of peace. But I was never left alone by Heavenly Father. And I promise that so
long as you want Him there, He will never leave you alone either. He does not
always give the answer we want as quickly as we want, but He will always be
there to give us the help we need.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-61149386762449166582016-03-09T18:17:00.000-08:002016-03-09T18:17:19.974-08:0024: Unfinished Prayer<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/36.17-20?lang=eng#16"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Alma 36:17-20</span></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">17 And it came to
pass that as <span style="font-style: italic;">I was thus racked with torment,
while I was harrowed up by </span>the <span style="font-style: italic;">memory</span>
of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard by father prophesy
unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to
atone for the sins of the world.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">18 Now, as my mind
caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart:<span style="font-style: italic;"> O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of
bitterness,</span> and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">19 <span style="font-style: italic;">And now, behold, when I thought this, I could
remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by</span> the<span style="font-style: italic;"> memory</span> of my sins <span style="font-style: italic;">no more</span>.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">20 And oh, what joy,
and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as
exceeding as was my pain!</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Unfinished Prayer</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">12/06</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I walk life's roads
not knowing where</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The journey's end
may be</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And now life's
questions cloud my heart - </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh, Lord! Please
help me see!</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh, Lord, please
help me know my place - </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Where I am and where
I go</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And if I've worth -
then what it is</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh, Lord! Please
help me know.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And Lord, if Thou
wouldst heal this heart</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Where hurt has hid
so long</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That I may now be
free of fear</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That right may come
from wrong.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Lord allows the
horrible to happen because we must all have the opportunity to prove ourselves.
He does not condone bad behavior nor does He forget those who suffer because of
it. It is through His atonement and
redeeming sacrifice that allows for right to come from wrong. By keeping His
commandments and enduring to the end, we are enabled by His grace to make more
than circumstances would otherwise allow.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">People can do
horrible things to each other, things I have no experience with even in my
difficult life. Yet it is those who have overcome the worst that have gained
the most compassion and wisdom and power to do good because they know and
understand far more than those who have lived more sheltered lives. Even those
who have made the ill choices have this opportunity through repentance. While
it is not better that they have those experiences of wrong-doing, the truth of
their experience can have a stronger impact in encouraging others to avoid the
same mistakes.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-89369482239662293732016-02-24T12:00:00.000-08:002016-02-24T12:00:11.003-08:0023: Let Me Rest<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ps/23?lang=eng">Psalm 23</a></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1 The Lord is my
shepherd; I shall not want.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2 He maketh me to
lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3 He restoreth my
soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4 Yea, though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art
with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5 Thou preparest a
table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with
oil; my cup runneth over.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6 Surely goodness
and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the
house of the Lord for ever.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Let Me Rest</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">8/31/06</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My heart, though
faint, awoken</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">By promises I hold</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As true, for he does
bid that</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I trust His holy
Word.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My path blocked but
a moment</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My weary legs I rest</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And wait on His good
judgment</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">With faith I'll pass
the test.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So let me rest my
body</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My spirit, and my
soul</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For soon time will
be proving</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As my future claims
the goal.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have learned that
it is important to give yourself breathers a long the way. My first attempt at
a Bachelor's degree was a head-long drive to finish as fast as I could. I
burned out and I did not finish. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My second time
through, I was able to fit in a random class of my choosing to fill out the
full time credit requirement and discovered that not only did I get to learn
cool new things just for fun, I didn't get so overwhelmed and burned out by
having too much of the same subject.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The same concept
applies to life in general. Sometimes you just need a breather. That would be
why you hear so much about meditation - it allows for a break to clear the
mind, the heart, the soul. It adds more fuel to the tank and cleans what's
already there. And may it be noted that prayer would be the best form of
meditation available for it puts you in contact with the ultimate source of
strength and understanding.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-67503919905213820372016-02-17T12:00:00.000-08:002016-02-17T12:00:02.160-08:0022: Enough Within My Best<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/mark/12.41-44?lang=eng#40">Mark 12:41-44</a></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">41 And Jesus sat
over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the
treasury: and many that were rich cast in much.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">42 And there came a
certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">43 And he called
unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this
poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury:</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">44 For all they did
cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had,
even all her living.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/4.27?lang=eng#26">Mosiah 4:27</a></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And see that all
these things are done in wisdom and order; for it in not requisite that a man
should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he
should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things
must be done in order.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Enough Within My Best</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">8/30/06</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Many thoughts
confused</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So many feelings
felt</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The world to take no
notice</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On what long my mind
has dwelt.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My path so long in
darkness</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Still yet in
darkness hides</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Set long ago by
Father</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Where still my faith
resides.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I walk not knowing
where</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My next footfall
will land</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As ever my heart
prays</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The white dove on
the sand.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So please forgive my
silence</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My heart is craving
rest</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For ever I must
trust that</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's enough
within my best.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At home, my efforts
only just barely reached 'good enough' if I gave far more than I could
healthily maintain and if anything ever interfered with reaching the
expectations demanded I was far from good at all. For years I was haunted by a
fear of never being good enough, that all my efforts never would be enough.
With time I have realized that enough is really simply a matter of my best and
that 'my best' is a fluctuating value. If I'm too sick to get out of bed, then
there is no guilt in not making it out of bed. If I've scrimped and saved to
simply pay bills, I don't have to feel guilty for making a gift instead of
buying a favorite item. If I'm up to a hike I can go and enjoy it without
having to be the first to the top. If asthma kicks in, I can stop without
embarrassment.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Even more, when I
have successes, they count as success. Not only can I give good enough, I can
be good . I can simply <span style="font-style: italic;">be</span> and find
satisfaction in not worrying what is considered good enough or not because I
know in my very core that I desire to be good and, if left to myself, I will give my best without being compelled. I
strive to remember the Lord and follow the commandments and then just take joy in the journey and hope in
the journey to come.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-47389902963776414022016-02-10T12:00:00.000-08:002016-02-10T12:00:22.174-08:0021: The Story Inside<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/6.37?lang=eng#36">Luke 6: 37</a></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Judge not, and ye
shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and
ye shall be forgiven:</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/14.1-2?lang=eng#primary">3 Nephi 14:1-2</a></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1 And now it came to
pass that when Jesus had spoken these words he turned again to the multitude,
and did open his mouth unto them again, saying: Verily, verily, I say unto you,
Judge not, that ye be not judged.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2 For with what
judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall
be measured to you again.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Story Inside</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">7/26/06</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is, deep
within my soul,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The story that's my
own</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My dreams, my fear,
my hurt, my joy</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A story few have
known.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This story takes
some time to read,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">True care, and
effort, too</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And few there be
that care to read</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Until the story's
through.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some think that,
with passing glance</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The story can be
read</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But glance denies
the life within - </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The story's truths
left dead.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My story has its
place in life</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It cannot be denied</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My life, my heart,
my past, beyond</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And all that's held
inside.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes my story
falls asleep</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My dreams, in pain,
forgot</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But dreams awake
when wonder calls</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And beckons heart
and thought.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In dreams I find my
story true</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And life, the wonder
gives</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And this is why,
though passed unseen,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Still yet, my story
lives.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How often do we
think we can judge a book by its cover, or even by its chapter headings? Having
studied with a number of English majors who thought they were the smartest
people on campus, I have been surprised by the shallowness of judgment so often
expressed against various characters that simply didn't fit a personality they
would like in real life. I suppose it comes down to charity and empathy. Can
you and are you willing to actually care about a person and would you walk a
mile in their shoes or would you just criticize their choice of footwear or
path or speed or any number of elements that can only truly be judged by the
one who has actually walked that path. Thankfully, the Savior's atonement means
that He has walked exactly each of our situations so He will never judge
unfairly as we are so quick to do ourselves.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-32747246545615665412016-01-27T12:00:00.000-08:002016-01-27T12:00:16.587-08:0020: Edges of Eternity<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/7.19?lang=eng#18"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Mosiah 7: 19</span></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Therefore, lift up
your heads and rejoice, and put your trust in God, in that God who was the God
of Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob; and also that God who brought the children of
Israel out of the land of Egypt, and caused that they should walk through the
Red Sea on dry ground, and fed them with manna that they might not perish in
the wilderness; and many more things did he do for them.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/36.3?lang=eng#2"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Alma 36: 3</span></a></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And now, O my son
Helaman, behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that
thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put
their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and
their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Edges of Eternity</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">6/06 - 7/17/06</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I'm standing
blindfolded,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">On the edge of
eternity,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Hoping my eyes will
come to see</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The hopes my heart
has</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Struggles so long to
hold onto.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This edge is one of
many</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Both past and yet to
come</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And each requires
faith in things unknown.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I feel the wind
gently pulling me on</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">As I step from the
grasp of what was</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And slowly
anticipation builds</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">With the sense of
the wonders ahead.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And so I step again</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And trust the clouds
to be my ground.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">A person does not
need to go skydiving or bungee jumping or any of the crazy things people do to
get an adrenaline rush. Just ask any person on the verge of making a huge
change in life on faith. What's more, the more you exercise faith, the more
Heavenly Father trusts you to follow His lead and the more He will provide you
opportunities to strengthen and grow even more faith. I'd even challenge an
adrenaline junky to try to live on faith for a while to see if they're brave
enough to handle it. They may just discover life will supply plenty of
opportunity on its own.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-51432993662253829522016-01-20T12:00:00.000-08:002016-01-20T12:00:00.160-08:0019: With Me, Waiting<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/2-thes/3.5?lang=eng#4">2 Thessalonians 3: 5</a></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And the Lord direct
your hearts into the love of God,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">and into the patient waiting for Christ.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/98.1-3?lang=eng#primary">D&C 98: 1-3</a></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">1 Verily I say unto
you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore,
and in everything give thanks;</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">2 Waiting patiently
on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of
Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament -- the Lord hath sworn
and decreed that they shall be granted.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">3 Therefore, he
giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be
fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together
for your good, and to my name's glory, saith the Lord.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">With Me, Waiting</span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">4/9/06</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The Lord sits with
me, waiting</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">While I wonder
what's ahead</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">At this train stop
for my future</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">With His peace - my
patience fed.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I will not see its
coming, though</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">For He, my sight,
has hid</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">That I may learn to
trust in Him</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">To walk as He may
bid.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Others urge me leave
this place</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"No train is
scheduled here"</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">They cannot see the
One who sits</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">With promise it is
near.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And so I sit here
watching</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">As past cares pass
me by</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And dream of future
hopes and joys</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And dream of open
sky.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">For I must stay here
waiting</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Or the train I'll
surely miss</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But the Lord sits
with me ever, still</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">To hear that
engine's hiss.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Oi. One of the
hardest parts of following the Lord's direction is when He wants us to wait. In
a gospel that focuses so much on being proactive and productive, to purposely
hold a specific position on serious issues is seen as highly negligent. In a
goal oriented world where a regularly updated progress report is expected to be
available, patiently waiting the Lord's timing is not often recognized for what
it is.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Yet any true
gardener knows that there are times and seasons important for successful
growth. If you plant too soon, the plant may freeze and die before its proper
season is here. If too late, it will not have time to grow to maturity. And
once planted, you can't expect to pull the plant up and measure the growth of
its roots everyday and still manage a strong, healthy plant - the strain would
severely damage it.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">We are all unique
plants with our lives following a seasonal pattern that will not always match
the general patterns around us. I have seen this in operation in my own life as
well as others I have known. The trick is to live the best you can manage and trust
in the personal guidance you receive from above.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145863665755449308.post-91165208038457824232016-01-13T12:00:00.000-08:002016-01-13T12:00:20.594-08:0018: Forward<div style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/128.22?lang=eng#21"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">D&C 128: 22</span></a></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Brethren, shall we
not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren;
and on, on to the victory! Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad.
Let the earth break forth into singing. Let the dead speak forth anthems of eternal
praise to the King Immanuel, who hath ordained, before the world was, that
which would enable us to redeem them out of their prison; for the prisoners
shall go free.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Forward</span></u></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4/14/06</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Looking forward I
must let go</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The chains that hold
me back</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Despite their
blindness, live and know</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And follow the
onward track.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though pain behind,
there's joy ahead</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A life lived true to
me</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(Without their fear
or cutting minds)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To seek the best,
and <span style="font-style: italic;">be</span>.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Inside I wish things
not this way</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But that is not my
choice</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So if time comes
that they would hear</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Let my life become
my voice.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For I must live as
life will lead</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">His will in life to
do</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Regardless if they
understand</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To Him I will be
true.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To this day, my
family still doesn't understand why I have cut contact with them. But rather
than constantly trying to get them to see and hear what they have refused all
along to do, I figure my time is better spent doing the things that will make
me a better person. I cannot alter what they choose to do, think, or feel and I
will not waste energy better used on making a difference in the world and to
the people around me.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08738814313785227673noreply@blogger.com0