Qs for ACONs J#1: How has narcissism affected you?

• Affected what type of man I was attracted to. Not good until I learned. ~ Lone Star

• I have very little self esteem. I feel like I don't matter, my needs don't matter, my contributions don't matter. I'd like to be invisible. When people say kind things, no matter how sincere or well deserved, I cannot accept these compliments. They roll off of me, like water off a duck. For example, on Sunday a member of the Stake presidency told me how outstanding my son is. He truly is, but I said "thank you, but I can't take credit. He had good seminary teachers and YM leaders." Pres. H insisted that I did deserve much of the credit, but that's very, very tough for me to acknowledge.~Elsa. (Since Let it Go is my life's anthem.)

• My issues are very similar to Elsa, and we grew up with the same NM and NS, but I actually did feel invisible growing up. I was the oldest, but much older, and always felt like I was watching a program I wasn't actually part of. Some of it was too painful to watch, and the rest of it just left me feeling like I wanted my life to be somewhere else. I've also also always lived with a never fixable sense of loss. Elsa coming back in my life has done a great deal to help heal that feeling of loss. ~ Anna

• I always feel like I am invisible to people and like I won't be remembered. I feel confused like I am lost in space when I am around that type of personality. I felt like my thoughts were being read by my N.M. and I had no privacy around her. I felt like a prisoner since I was at least 8 yrs of age crying grateful that I only had 10 more years before I could leave home which I did do at 18. ~ Angel Wings

• Narcissism attacks their victims' perception of self and their place in the world. In a religious context, it also undermines our ability to have a healthy relationship with God. This happens on multiple fronts. If you are always being told not to bother people, praying means you are bothering God. When even your basic needs as a child are resentfully and minimally fulfilled, it becomes very hard to feel like you can ask for/pray for anything beyond what you absolutely have to have to survive. When the narc uses (abuses) their claim to authority (D&C 121:34-40), those behavior patterns are then anticipated in other authority figures and those in similar positions as the abuser. That is part of the PTSD that commonly occurs in child abuse. In my case, my sense of God often distorts from the gentle, patient, kind being to an all-powerful version of the dominant narc in my life. And that is a terrifying concept. I've been working on changing that pattern by choosing to believe myself instead of what the programming declares, but it takes work. That is actually integral to overcoming the abuse on all fronts. Part of narc abuse is something called gas-lighting, which means they actively work to undermine the victim's sense of reality. The more they can train us to doubt ourselves, the more control they have. Overall, it has meant I have had minimal support throughout life and now no contact with any family since they have either adopted narcissism themselves, are enablers, or want to hide from the fact that the family dynamics are rotten to the core. ~ Aspen