19: With Me, Waiting

2 Thessalonians 3: 5

And the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God,

and into the patient waiting for Christ.

D&C 98: 1-3

1 Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;

2 Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament -- the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.

3 Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name's glory, saith the Lord.

With Me, Waiting

4/9/06

The Lord sits with me, waiting

While I wonder what's ahead

At this train stop for my future

With His peace - my patience fed.

I will not see its coming, though

For He, my sight, has hid

That I may learn to trust in Him

To walk as He may bid.

Others urge me leave this place

"No train is scheduled here"

They cannot see the One who sits

With promise it is near.

And so I sit here watching

As past cares pass me by

And dream of future hopes and joys

And dream of open sky.

For I must stay here waiting

Or the train I'll surely miss

But the Lord sits with me ever, still

To hear that engine's hiss.

Oi. One of the hardest parts of following the Lord's direction is when He wants us to wait. In a gospel that focuses so much on being proactive and productive, to purposely hold a specific position on serious issues is seen as highly negligent. In a goal oriented world where a regularly updated progress report is expected to be available, patiently waiting the Lord's timing is not often recognized for what it is.

Yet any true gardener knows that there are times and seasons important for successful growth. If you plant too soon, the plant may freeze and die before its proper season is here. If too late, it will not have time to grow to maturity. And once planted, you can't expect to pull the plant up and measure the growth of its roots everyday and still manage a strong, healthy plant - the strain would severely damage it.

We are all unique plants with our lives following a seasonal pattern that will not always match the general patterns around us. I have seen this in operation in my own life as well as others I have known. The trick is to live the best you can manage and trust in the personal guidance you receive from above.

16: Just One Day

Isaiah 41: 10

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Just One Day

1/3/06

Hope can seem elusive

When the Evil One draws near

He'd have us focus far ahead

On all that we might fear.

For the future seems uncertain

When looked at from today

Each dream that we might hope for

Could go wrong in every way.

Thus he would entrap our minds

Held fast by fear's intent

That we might re-direct our lives

And, thus, our dreams prevent.

But the Lord gave us the answer

Spoken long ago

That shows how to hold onto

The dreams our hearts still know.

He said, "Take one day at a time

Don't borrow future fears

There's work enough to do right now

Don't waste those precious tears.

"Satan would have you think I can't

Do all I said I would -

I promised I would do the rest

Once you've done all you could.

"So don't worry about tomorrow

We'll get there as we will

There's no need to leap mountains

Just work on this day's hill.

"And as you walk on, day by day,

Though far your dreams appear

Have faith in me, walk by my side

And soon all will be clear.

"Do not fear the Dark One

I'll show the way that's true

You see, I was here long ago -

I walked it once for you.

"So let the future wait for us

We'll get there as we may

For now there's just one moment

For now there's just one day."

Matt 6:34 ; 3 Nephi13:34

I still find myself needing to remember this at times.

In Matthew 6:34 it states ,"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

Sometimes we get so caught up in everything we're trying to work out just right, or anticipating any potential problem to avoid negative attention, or focusing on the magnitude of the mountain ahead of us that we can get paralyzed with the stress of it all. This scripture shows that today, now is what we need to concern ourselves with. It is well to plan and prepare, but don't waste the now on the future. We have enough things to care about today without adding tomorrow's burdens on top of it. Even better is the 3 Nephi version where it ends, "sufficient is the day unto the evil thereof." Now, not only can we stay focused, we also have the assurances that we'll be able to handle it even if it's just a day at a time.

7: Nowhere Else

St Luke 9:57-58

57 And it came to pass, that, as they went in the way,

a certain man said unto him,

Lord, I will follow thee whithersoever thou goest.

58 And Jesus said unto him,

Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests;

but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.

Nowhere Else

8/31/05

I'm trying to right

My upside-down world

Left alone to discover this path

No one to walk with

To say, 'Yes, that's right'

No one to shield me from wrath.

Someone once told me

I must walk alone

For now, that is what I must do

So I walk alone

Though, perhaps, he is wrong

Until then, still I walk, shoe by shoe.

I walk ever on

Hoping I walk aright

Past people who claim that they care

I must trust that they do

Though I still walk alone

Having nowhere else, somehow I'll get there.

Boyz II Men "I Will Get There"

I have a number of play-lists of songs I find encouraging or for purging sadness and emotional fatigue. (I tend to process the emotions better if I allow myself to feel them until I don't need to so melancholy songs make the list as well.) As I was first typing in this particular poem, I left myself a note that one of those songs reminds me of this poem, or perhaps the other way around. It is from The Prince of Egypt soundtrack by Boyz II Men titled "I Will Get There". It speaks of being in chains but being determined to break free no matter what it takes, that even when it all seems dark, of continuing to try and holding onto faith that ultimately the sun will shine again and the far side of the trial will be obtained.

It seems hard that so much of it seemed so alone and in many cases truly was. I would often have to have imaginary conversations with people I knew to try to figure out what was going on and how to handle all of it since I knew everyone I knew was too busy to be bothered with my baffling world. Honestly, I don't think many would have been of much help unless they'd come from a similar background and could recognize what was happening since it's taken me so many years further to begin to understand it myself. But even then, each person must walk their own path through life making theirs own decisions along the way. And we will be judged according to our choices whether or not we had the ideal circumstances. The Lord will indeed be merciful and judge us with the full comprehension of what we've had to work with, but we must not let our difficulties become an excuse to falter in the intention of our hearts. Standing or walking alone is not an excuse to act against what we know is right.

*I felt like I needed to break the schedule and set this next one up early. Then I saw which one it was. At this very moment I know someone who is ill and one night away from being homeless. So I'm posting this early, too, because I hope something in this will help give her courage and comfort.

6: Soon

D&C 121:7-8

7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity

and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt

thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

Soon

8/29/05

He tells me soon

My heart's afraid

Of pain I soon must face

A life apart

From one long loved

Hope denied that blessed place.

I've tried so long

Yet times I thought

It time to let home go

But He said, "Wait -

Keep holding on,

My wisdom I will show."

And so I trust

As long I've tried

And work to hush my fears

And wait and hope

That I will not

Have need to dry more tears.

Soon… The two thoughts that come to mind in relation to this poem cover both ends of the spectrum. First is a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon I remember seeing years ago. Calvin was musing that if God gives us things in our lives to accomplish and overcome then God must think an awful lot of him. (Also that Calvin would live forever since his slacker self would take forever to get it done.) This in turn reminds me of 1 Corinthians 10:13. "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

So often in the midst of trials and difficulties it becomes easy to say I can only do this much, or to think I can't handle any more. It was always around those times when I was focused on the idea that it would be over 'soon'. Truly, in the Lord's view of eternity it is soon, but to the mortal perspective, it often does not feel that way. That is why it is so important to hold on to the faith that if the mountain's blocking your path and  Heavenly Father doesn't move it out of your way, then He will give you the strength to conquer it. I've found it helps to focus on one step at a time during the blocks of being overwhelmed and discouraged… Then, when you find yourself with a little more strength than you had before, you can look up and realize just how far you have actually come.