16: Just One Day

Isaiah 41: 10

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Just One Day

1/3/06

Hope can seem elusive

When the Evil One draws near

He'd have us focus far ahead

On all that we might fear.

For the future seems uncertain

When looked at from today

Each dream that we might hope for

Could go wrong in every way.

Thus he would entrap our minds

Held fast by fear's intent

That we might re-direct our lives

And, thus, our dreams prevent.

But the Lord gave us the answer

Spoken long ago

That shows how to hold onto

The dreams our hearts still know.

He said, "Take one day at a time

Don't borrow future fears

There's work enough to do right now

Don't waste those precious tears.

"Satan would have you think I can't

Do all I said I would -

I promised I would do the rest

Once you've done all you could.

"So don't worry about tomorrow

We'll get there as we will

There's no need to leap mountains

Just work on this day's hill.

"And as you walk on, day by day,

Though far your dreams appear

Have faith in me, walk by my side

And soon all will be clear.

"Do not fear the Dark One

I'll show the way that's true

You see, I was here long ago -

I walked it once for you.

"So let the future wait for us

We'll get there as we may

For now there's just one moment

For now there's just one day."

Matt 6:34 ; 3 Nephi13:34

I still find myself needing to remember this at times.

In Matthew 6:34 it states ,"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

Sometimes we get so caught up in everything we're trying to work out just right, or anticipating any potential problem to avoid negative attention, or focusing on the magnitude of the mountain ahead of us that we can get paralyzed with the stress of it all. This scripture shows that today, now is what we need to concern ourselves with. It is well to plan and prepare, but don't waste the now on the future. We have enough things to care about today without adding tomorrow's burdens on top of it. Even better is the 3 Nephi version where it ends, "sufficient is the day unto the evil thereof." Now, not only can we stay focused, we also have the assurances that we'll be able to handle it even if it's just a day at a time.

10: One Thread

D&C 64: 10-11

10 I, the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive

 but of you it is required to forgive all men.

11 And ye ought to say in your hearts --

let God judge between me and thee,

and reward thee according to thy deeds.

One Thread

10/4-5/05

Much to say, what to tell?

How to show where I've been?

Pick a thread, follow it through it's way

Many good, some are not

And this thread holds much pain

But this thread wove my world day by day.

I must unloose this thread

And replace as I go

Lest I unravel and, in shreds, fall

And prevent, as I can

From more thread being laid

As it gathers all up in a ball.

What to do with the ball?

Cut it off and away

And continue to loose as I go

Till it's gone and I'm free

From the chains of that thread

Free to be, free to live, free to grow.

Many have condemned me

For effects this thread has caused

Blind to see that I could not control

Where or how it got placed

When I too could not see

But the pain and the fear of my soul.

So confused at more pain

And still trying to be

The best everyone else thought I should

It was never enough

As it never can be

Still I tried to do all that I could.

Then I looked back and saw

How this thread shaped my life

And, at first, thought it must be my fault

But it's not, and I've tried

Just to lay fault aside

And to focus on loosing this knot.

Some remnants may escape

My split concentration

As I both treat and try to prevent

But the process moves on

And I'm closer each day

As I learn from what all this has meant.

So I see all the threads

But this one I must change

To no longer hurt me or my dreams

For new dreams I now see

As I learn the true me

And the hope of my future redeems.

I have had many people try to tell me that I must repent and/or forgive those involved in my home situation when the hard memories call back emotional responses. The truth is that forgiveness is not the issue in my case as I'm so empathetic I cry when fictional characters face death or great loss or pain. I'm merely reacting with empathy to my own memories of pain. Crazy weird, I know. But it brings up the issue of forgiveness. Many people seem to think that forgiveness means feeling and acting like nothing bad happened - a warm, fuzzy, I love you, you love me kind of feeling. That if you just flip the switch everything will be ok again - in you, with the offending persons, with God. I see forgiveness in a different way. 

Forgiveness is letting go of vengefulness for the wrongs of the past, leaving correction in God's hands, and moving on with your own life. While a discussion on why our standing in the way of someone else receiving of the Savior's atonement because we were offended is a good one to ponder, it is the moving on element that sets you free. It does not mean staying in an unhealthy environment. But it does mean that you take charge of your future and face forward instead of walking backwards blind in life because you refuse to put it aside. Often I find myself glad I don't have to be the judge of people. But it also occurs to me that no one will give a better judgment and exact a more appropriate price on those who have offended than God. Those who merit mercy will receive it and those who do not will find they have a rude awakening.

Forgiveness is accepting that the Lord will make recompense for the wrongs done and accepting that the debt then becomes between the offender and the Lord.

1: A World Not My Own

D&C 61:36

And now, verily I say unto you, and what I say unto

one I say unto all, be of good cheer, little children;

for I am in your midst, and I have not forsaken you;

A World Not My Own

~7/30, 10/22/05

I do not belong in this world not my own

Although many insist there's no other

Yet still I can sense it, separate and pure

That world promised me by my Brother.

I cannot achieve it enslaved as I am

To confusions I cannot escape

So often surrounded by anger, disgust

Then something like love do they drape.

I know not what to do, confused as I am

I simply listen and try to obey

And trust that the Lord will help guide me home

Though I seem to forget every day.

Still I walk ever onward as best I know how

And pray that I'm walking aright

That the Lord will continue to guide me each day

And grant both clear mind and clear sight.

It was not until after high school ended that I began to recognize the problems that existed at home. To me, it feels like Heavenly Father made it so I would not understand so that I would be protected while still legally dependent. But even not understanding, it was still rough. I was not happy but I didn't know why, let alone how anything could be done about it. Indeed, I tried to prevent remembering how hard it was by avoiding the keeping of a journal. I did not truly start one until the year after my mother died. When the feelings were more than I could write regularly, they came out in poem form. This amuses me as I've never been all that fond of poetry, but perhaps it makes sense that poets tend to be those processing strong emotion.