1: A World Not My Own

D&C 61:36

And now, verily I say unto you, and what I say unto

one I say unto all, be of good cheer, little children;

for I am in your midst, and I have not forsaken you;

A World Not My Own

~7/30, 10/22/05

I do not belong in this world not my own

Although many insist there's no other

Yet still I can sense it, separate and pure

That world promised me by my Brother.

I cannot achieve it enslaved as I am

To confusions I cannot escape

So often surrounded by anger, disgust

Then something like love do they drape.

I know not what to do, confused as I am

I simply listen and try to obey

And trust that the Lord will help guide me home

Though I seem to forget every day.

Still I walk ever onward as best I know how

And pray that I'm walking aright

That the Lord will continue to guide me each day

And grant both clear mind and clear sight.

It was not until after high school ended that I began to recognize the problems that existed at home. To me, it feels like Heavenly Father made it so I would not understand so that I would be protected while still legally dependent. But even not understanding, it was still rough. I was not happy but I didn't know why, let alone how anything could be done about it. Indeed, I tried to prevent remembering how hard it was by avoiding the keeping of a journal. I did not truly start one until the year after my mother died. When the feelings were more than I could write regularly, they came out in poem form. This amuses me as I've never been all that fond of poetry, but perhaps it makes sense that poets tend to be those processing strong emotion.