10 I, the Lord will
forgive whom I will forgive
but of you it is required to forgive all men.
11 And ye ought to
say in your hearts --
let God judge between me and thee,
and reward thee
according to thy deeds.
One Thread
10/4-5/05
Much to say, what to
tell?
How to show where
I've been?
Pick a thread,
follow it through it's way
Many good, some are
not
And this thread
holds much pain
But this thread wove
my world day by day.
I must unloose this
thread
And replace as I go
Lest I unravel and,
in shreds, fall
And prevent, as I
can
From more thread
being laid
As it gathers all up
in a ball.
What to do with the
ball?
Cut it off and away
And continue to
loose as I go
Till it's gone and
I'm free
From the chains of that thread
Free to be, free to
live, free to grow.
Many have condemned
me
For effects this
thread has caused
Blind to see that I
could not control
Where or how it got
placed
When I too could not
see
But the pain and the
fear of my soul.
So confused at more
pain
And still trying to
be
The best everyone
else thought I should
It was never enough
As it never can be
Still I tried to do
all that I could.
Then I looked back
and saw
How this thread
shaped my life
And, at first,
thought it must be my fault
But it's not, and
I've tried
Just to lay fault
aside
And to focus on
loosing this knot.
Some remnants may
escape
My split
concentration
As I both treat and
try to prevent
But the process
moves on
And I'm closer each
day
As I learn from what
all this has meant.
So I see all the
threads
But this one I must
change
To no longer hurt me
or my dreams
For new dreams I now
see
As I learn the true me
And the hope of my
future redeems.
I have had many
people try to tell me that I must repent and/or forgive those involved in my
home situation when the hard memories call back emotional responses. The truth
is that forgiveness is not the issue in my case as I'm so empathetic I cry when
fictional characters face death or great loss or pain. I'm merely reacting with
empathy to my own memories of pain. Crazy weird, I know. But it brings up the
issue of forgiveness. Many people seem to think that forgiveness means feeling
and acting like nothing bad happened - a warm, fuzzy, I love you, you love me
kind of feeling. That if you just flip the switch everything will be ok again -
in you, with the offending persons, with God. I see forgiveness in a different
way.
Forgiveness is
letting go of vengefulness for the wrongs of the past, leaving correction in
God's hands, and moving on with your own life. While a discussion on why our
standing in the way of someone else receiving of the Savior's atonement because
we were offended is a good one to ponder, it is the moving on element that sets
you free. It does not mean staying in an unhealthy environment. But it does
mean that you take charge of your future and face forward instead of walking
backwards blind in life because you refuse to put it aside. Often I find myself
glad I don't have to be the judge of people. But it also occurs to me that no
one will give a better judgment and exact a more appropriate price on those who
have offended than God. Those who merit mercy will receive it and those who do
not will find they have a rude awakening.
Forgiveness is
accepting that the Lord will make recompense for the wrongs done and accepting
that the debt then becomes between the offender and the Lord.
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