22: Enough Within My Best

Mark 12:41-44

41 And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much.

42 And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing.

43 And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury:

44 For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.

Mosiah 4:27

And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it in not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.

Enough Within My Best

8/30/06

Many thoughts confused

So many feelings felt

The world to take no notice

On what long my mind has dwelt.

My path so long in darkness

Still yet in darkness hides

Set long ago by Father

Where still my faith resides.

I walk not knowing where

My next footfall will land

As ever my heart prays

The white dove on the sand.

So please forgive my silence

My heart is craving rest

For ever I must trust that

There's enough within my best.

At home, my efforts only just barely reached 'good enough' if I gave far more than I could healthily maintain and if anything ever interfered with reaching the expectations demanded I was far from good at all. For years I was haunted by a fear of never being good enough, that all my efforts never would be enough. With time I have realized that enough is really simply a matter of my best and that 'my best' is a fluctuating value. If I'm too sick to get out of bed, then there is no guilt in not making it out of bed. If I've scrimped and saved to simply pay bills, I don't have to feel guilty for making a gift instead of buying a favorite item. If I'm up to a hike I can go and enjoy it without having to be the first to the top. If asthma kicks in, I can stop without embarrassment.

Even more, when I have successes, they count as success. Not only can I give good enough, I can be good . I can simply be and find satisfaction in not worrying what is considered good enough or not because I know in my very core that I desire to be good and, if left to myself, I will give my best without being compelled. I strive to remember the Lord and follow the commandments and then just take joy in the journey and hope in the journey to come.

21: The Story Inside

Luke 6: 37

Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:

3 Nephi 14:1-2

1 And now it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words he turned again to the multitude, and did open his mouth unto them again, saying: Verily, verily, I say unto you, Judge not, that ye be not judged.

2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

The Story Inside

7/26/06

There is, deep within my soul,

The story that's my own

My dreams, my fear, my hurt, my joy

A story few have known.

This story takes some time to read,

True care, and effort, too

And few there be that care to read

Until the story's through.

Some think that, with passing glance

The story can be read

But glance denies the life within -

The story's truths left dead.

My story has its place in life

It cannot be denied

My life, my heart, my past, beyond

And all that's held inside.

Sometimes my story falls asleep

My dreams, in pain, forgot

But dreams awake when wonder calls

And beckons heart and thought.

In dreams I find my story true

And life, the wonder gives

And this is why, though passed unseen,

Still yet, my story lives.

How often do we think we can judge a book by its cover, or even by its chapter headings? Having studied with a number of English majors who thought they were the smartest people on campus, I have been surprised by the shallowness of judgment so often expressed against various characters that simply didn't fit a personality they would like in real life. I suppose it comes down to charity and empathy. Can you and are you willing to actually care about a person and would you walk a mile in their shoes or would you just criticize their choice of footwear or path or speed or any number of elements that can only truly be judged by the one who has actually walked that path. Thankfully, the Savior's atonement means that He has walked exactly each of our situations so He will never judge unfairly as we are so quick to do ourselves.

20: Edges of Eternity

Mosiah 7: 19

Therefore, lift up your heads and rejoice, and put your trust in God, in that God who was the God of Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob; and also that God who brought the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt, and caused that they should walk through the Red Sea on dry ground, and fed them with manna that they might not perish in the wilderness; and many more things did he do for them.

Alma 36: 3

And now, O my son Helaman, behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.

Edges of Eternity

6/06 - 7/17/06

I'm standing blindfolded,

On the edge of eternity,

Hoping my eyes will come to see

The hopes my heart has

Struggles so long to hold onto.

This edge is one of many

Both past and yet to come

And each requires faith in things unknown.

I feel the wind gently pulling me on

As I step from the grasp of what was

And slowly anticipation builds

With the sense of the wonders ahead.

And so I step again

And trust the clouds to be my ground.

A person does not need to go skydiving or bungee jumping or any of the crazy things people do to get an adrenaline rush. Just ask any person on the verge of making a huge change in life on faith. What's more, the more you exercise faith, the more Heavenly Father trusts you to follow His lead and the more He will provide you opportunities to strengthen and grow even more faith. I'd even challenge an adrenaline junky to try to live on faith for a while to see if they're brave enough to handle it. They may just discover life will supply plenty of opportunity on its own.

19: With Me, Waiting

2 Thessalonians 3: 5

And the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God,

and into the patient waiting for Christ.

D&C 98: 1-3

1 Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;

2 Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament -- the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.

3 Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name's glory, saith the Lord.

With Me, Waiting

4/9/06

The Lord sits with me, waiting

While I wonder what's ahead

At this train stop for my future

With His peace - my patience fed.

I will not see its coming, though

For He, my sight, has hid

That I may learn to trust in Him

To walk as He may bid.

Others urge me leave this place

"No train is scheduled here"

They cannot see the One who sits

With promise it is near.

And so I sit here watching

As past cares pass me by

And dream of future hopes and joys

And dream of open sky.

For I must stay here waiting

Or the train I'll surely miss

But the Lord sits with me ever, still

To hear that engine's hiss.

Oi. One of the hardest parts of following the Lord's direction is when He wants us to wait. In a gospel that focuses so much on being proactive and productive, to purposely hold a specific position on serious issues is seen as highly negligent. In a goal oriented world where a regularly updated progress report is expected to be available, patiently waiting the Lord's timing is not often recognized for what it is.

Yet any true gardener knows that there are times and seasons important for successful growth. If you plant too soon, the plant may freeze and die before its proper season is here. If too late, it will not have time to grow to maturity. And once planted, you can't expect to pull the plant up and measure the growth of its roots everyday and still manage a strong, healthy plant - the strain would severely damage it.

We are all unique plants with our lives following a seasonal pattern that will not always match the general patterns around us. I have seen this in operation in my own life as well as others I have known. The trick is to live the best you can manage and trust in the personal guidance you receive from above.

18: Forward

D&C 128: 22

Brethren, shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory! Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad. Let the earth break forth into singing. Let the dead speak forth anthems of eternal praise to the King Immanuel, who hath ordained, before the world was, that which would enable us to redeem them out of their prison; for the prisoners shall go free.

Forward

4/14/06

Looking forward I must let go

The chains that hold me back

Despite their blindness, live and know

And follow the onward track.

Though pain behind, there's joy ahead

A life lived true to me

(Without their fear or cutting minds)

To seek the best, and be.

Inside I wish things not this way

But that is not my choice

So if time comes that they would hear

Let my life become my voice.

For I must live as life will lead

His will in life to do

Regardless if they understand

To Him I will be true.

To this day, my family still doesn't understand why I have cut contact with them. But rather than constantly trying to get them to see and hear what they have refused all along to do, I figure my time is better spent doing the things that will make me a better person. I cannot alter what they choose to do, think, or feel and I will not waste energy better used on making a difference in the world and to the people around me.

17: Awakened Dreams

D&C 88: 118

And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.

Awakened Dreams

4/14/05, 5/12/06

The world can be a scary place

But something sets me free

With music of another world

To dream how things can be.

Emotion raw, emotion pure

Great thoughts to ride upon

Truth spoken there for all to hear

Where minds are later drawn.

Awakened dreams once long forgot

Are stirred within its wake

That yet, perhaps, there is a chance

Of dreams a future make.

Ennobled heart, so tired once

Now stands with life anew

Fresh strength to walk that higher road

To show those dreams as true.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been drawn to the power of story and song. I have probably read more than a couple thousand books and  seem to have an insatiable appetite for good stories. They have so much to learn from, be it understanding of different people and situations, communication, economics, society, politics, government, science, humanity - life overall. And in these stories I see purpose and value in life and so many parallels that demonstrate gospel principles whether they are obvious or understood through the character's lack of understanding. It provides an energy and centering effect on me and tends to have the greatest ability to restore my balance when life throws curve-balls.

16: Just One Day

Isaiah 41: 10

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Just One Day

1/3/06

Hope can seem elusive

When the Evil One draws near

He'd have us focus far ahead

On all that we might fear.

For the future seems uncertain

When looked at from today

Each dream that we might hope for

Could go wrong in every way.

Thus he would entrap our minds

Held fast by fear's intent

That we might re-direct our lives

And, thus, our dreams prevent.

But the Lord gave us the answer

Spoken long ago

That shows how to hold onto

The dreams our hearts still know.

He said, "Take one day at a time

Don't borrow future fears

There's work enough to do right now

Don't waste those precious tears.

"Satan would have you think I can't

Do all I said I would -

I promised I would do the rest

Once you've done all you could.

"So don't worry about tomorrow

We'll get there as we will

There's no need to leap mountains

Just work on this day's hill.

"And as you walk on, day by day,

Though far your dreams appear

Have faith in me, walk by my side

And soon all will be clear.

"Do not fear the Dark One

I'll show the way that's true

You see, I was here long ago -

I walked it once for you.

"So let the future wait for us

We'll get there as we may

For now there's just one moment

For now there's just one day."

Matt 6:34 ; 3 Nephi13:34

I still find myself needing to remember this at times.

In Matthew 6:34 it states ,"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

Sometimes we get so caught up in everything we're trying to work out just right, or anticipating any potential problem to avoid negative attention, or focusing on the magnitude of the mountain ahead of us that we can get paralyzed with the stress of it all. This scripture shows that today, now is what we need to concern ourselves with. It is well to plan and prepare, but don't waste the now on the future. We have enough things to care about today without adding tomorrow's burdens on top of it. Even better is the 3 Nephi version where it ends, "sufficient is the day unto the evil thereof." Now, not only can we stay focused, we also have the assurances that we'll be able to handle it even if it's just a day at a time.