24: Unfinished Prayer

Alma 36:17-20

17 And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard by father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

Unfinished Prayer

12/06

I walk life's roads not knowing where

The journey's end may be

And now life's questions cloud my heart -

Oh, Lord! Please help me see!

Oh, Lord, please help me know my place  -

Where I am and where I go

And if I've worth - then what it is

Oh, Lord! Please help me know.

And Lord, if Thou wouldst heal this heart

Where hurt has hid so long

That I may now be free of fear

That right may come from wrong.

The Lord allows the horrible to happen because we must all have the opportunity to prove ourselves. He does not condone bad behavior nor does He forget those who suffer because of it. It is  through His atonement and redeeming sacrifice that allows for right to come from wrong. By keeping His commandments and enduring to the end, we are enabled by His grace to make more than circumstances would otherwise allow.

People can do horrible things to each other, things I have no experience with even in my difficult life. Yet it is those who have overcome the worst that have gained the most compassion and wisdom and power to do good because they know and understand far more than those who have lived more sheltered lives. Even those who have made the ill choices have this opportunity through repentance. While it is not better that they have those experiences of wrong-doing, the truth of their experience can have a stronger impact in encouraging others to avoid the same mistakes.

22: Enough Within My Best

Mark 12:41-44

41 And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much.

42 And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing.

43 And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury:

44 For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.

Mosiah 4:27

And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it in not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.

Enough Within My Best

8/30/06

Many thoughts confused

So many feelings felt

The world to take no notice

On what long my mind has dwelt.

My path so long in darkness

Still yet in darkness hides

Set long ago by Father

Where still my faith resides.

I walk not knowing where

My next footfall will land

As ever my heart prays

The white dove on the sand.

So please forgive my silence

My heart is craving rest

For ever I must trust that

There's enough within my best.

At home, my efforts only just barely reached 'good enough' if I gave far more than I could healthily maintain and if anything ever interfered with reaching the expectations demanded I was far from good at all. For years I was haunted by a fear of never being good enough, that all my efforts never would be enough. With time I have realized that enough is really simply a matter of my best and that 'my best' is a fluctuating value. If I'm too sick to get out of bed, then there is no guilt in not making it out of bed. If I've scrimped and saved to simply pay bills, I don't have to feel guilty for making a gift instead of buying a favorite item. If I'm up to a hike I can go and enjoy it without having to be the first to the top. If asthma kicks in, I can stop without embarrassment.

Even more, when I have successes, they count as success. Not only can I give good enough, I can be good . I can simply be and find satisfaction in not worrying what is considered good enough or not because I know in my very core that I desire to be good and, if left to myself, I will give my best without being compelled. I strive to remember the Lord and follow the commandments and then just take joy in the journey and hope in the journey to come.