32: No Arms

2 Nephi 1:15

But behold, the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory,

and am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.

No Arms

2/6/08

I have no arms to pull me home

No arms to pull me safely in

No place of peace to rest my heart

No endless refuge from the storm.

No arms to shield me from the pain

Or hold away a threatening for

No arms to wipe the tired tears

Or wait for mournful sobs to slow.

I have no arms to claim my own

That wish to hold me ever near

No arms to share a loving warmth

To hold me close to someone dear.

(3/26/12 - 2 Nephi 1:15 - Ensign April '12)

"The Loving Arms of Christ"

see 'Arms of Love'

For a long time I particularly treasured hugs because it made me feel like if someone was actually willing to touch me then I must not be so horrible as I'd been made to feel. Just as I sought comfort being wrapped in my blanket the day I found my mother dead, I have sensed a security and comfort intimated in being held close by another. I have longed for that feeling to be proven real. It means welcome and acceptance and concern and love and protection and I have craved that reality for so long.

A bit over four years after writing this particular poem, the Lord showed me that while I've not had an actual person filling that role, He has ever been there with His arms stretched out in my need and He has held me close in His care. When I read the words that spoke these thoughts I knew immediately the Lord was answering this poem's prayer. Someday I will also have a husband and a home and a family and I will not only have the arms to hold me close but I will also be able to hold them close as well. In the meantime, I must be content to share what hugs I can with others.

24: Unfinished Prayer

Alma 36:17-20

17 And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard by father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

Unfinished Prayer

12/06

I walk life's roads not knowing where

The journey's end may be

And now life's questions cloud my heart -

Oh, Lord! Please help me see!

Oh, Lord, please help me know my place  -

Where I am and where I go

And if I've worth - then what it is

Oh, Lord! Please help me know.

And Lord, if Thou wouldst heal this heart

Where hurt has hid so long

That I may now be free of fear

That right may come from wrong.

The Lord allows the horrible to happen because we must all have the opportunity to prove ourselves. He does not condone bad behavior nor does He forget those who suffer because of it. It is  through His atonement and redeeming sacrifice that allows for right to come from wrong. By keeping His commandments and enduring to the end, we are enabled by His grace to make more than circumstances would otherwise allow.

People can do horrible things to each other, things I have no experience with even in my difficult life. Yet it is those who have overcome the worst that have gained the most compassion and wisdom and power to do good because they know and understand far more than those who have lived more sheltered lives. Even those who have made the ill choices have this opportunity through repentance. While it is not better that they have those experiences of wrong-doing, the truth of their experience can have a stronger impact in encouraging others to avoid the same mistakes.

23: Let Me Rest

Psalm 23

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Let Me Rest

8/31/06

My heart, though faint, awoken

By promises I hold

As true, for he does bid that

I trust His holy Word.

My path blocked but a moment

My weary legs I rest

And wait on His good judgment

With faith I'll pass the test.

So let me rest my body

My spirit, and my soul

For soon time will be proving

As my future claims the goal.

I have learned that it is important to give yourself breathers a long the way. My first attempt at a Bachelor's degree was a head-long drive to finish as fast as I could. I burned out and I did not finish.

My second time through, I was able to fit in a random class of my choosing to fill out the full time credit requirement and discovered that not only did I get to learn cool new things just for fun, I didn't get so overwhelmed and burned out by having too much of the same subject.

The same concept applies to life in general. Sometimes you just need a breather. That would be why you hear so much about meditation - it allows for a break to clear the mind, the heart, the soul. It adds more fuel to the tank and cleans what's already there. And may it be noted that prayer would be the best form of meditation available for it puts you in contact with the ultimate source of strength and understanding.