32: No Arms

2 Nephi 1:15

But behold, the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory,

and am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.

No Arms

2/6/08

I have no arms to pull me home

No arms to pull me safely in

No place of peace to rest my heart

No endless refuge from the storm.

No arms to shield me from the pain

Or hold away a threatening for

No arms to wipe the tired tears

Or wait for mournful sobs to slow.

I have no arms to claim my own

That wish to hold me ever near

No arms to share a loving warmth

To hold me close to someone dear.

(3/26/12 - 2 Nephi 1:15 - Ensign April '12)

"The Loving Arms of Christ"

see 'Arms of Love'

For a long time I particularly treasured hugs because it made me feel like if someone was actually willing to touch me then I must not be so horrible as I'd been made to feel. Just as I sought comfort being wrapped in my blanket the day I found my mother dead, I have sensed a security and comfort intimated in being held close by another. I have longed for that feeling to be proven real. It means welcome and acceptance and concern and love and protection and I have craved that reality for so long.

A bit over four years after writing this particular poem, the Lord showed me that while I've not had an actual person filling that role, He has ever been there with His arms stretched out in my need and He has held me close in His care. When I read the words that spoke these thoughts I knew immediately the Lord was answering this poem's prayer. Someday I will also have a husband and a home and a family and I will not only have the arms to hold me close but I will also be able to hold them close as well. In the meantime, I must be content to share what hugs I can with others.

4: The Place Where I Belong

D&C 78:17-20

17 Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you;

18 And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.

19 And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.

20 Wherefore, do the things which I have commanded you, saith your Redeemer... who prepareth all things before he taketh you;

The Place Where I Belong

8/3/05

I lose myself to the world

In book, in dreams, in thought, in song

The world could care less to be lost of me

For the world is not where I belong.

For so long I have hid from the world's disregard

That I woke and knew not where to turn

Now I find myself in this place on my own

Yet, though alone, here, I know that I belong.

Here I can live by the truth that I seek

Here I can serve, every day, every week

Here I have peace, I have hope, I have song

Here is the place I belong.

There is a feeling of safety and peace and welcome found on temple grounds that has provided strength and security when no other source has been available. These last three poems were all written one evening as I sat on the Ogden Utah Temple grounds since I felt too overwhelmed to face going home. I do not go to the temple every day, and no longer every week, but even when no one else there knows who I am or what I may be struggling with, I and any service I'm able to manage is welcome without second guessing or judging. Indeed, I have often found a sometimes overwhelming amount of care given, perhaps as I am so unused to such attention.