28: Not Like Others

Moses 7:30

And were it possible that man could number the particles of the earth, yea, millions of earths like this, it would not be a beginning to the number of thy creations; and thy curtains are stretched out still; and yet thou art there, and thy bosom is there; and also thou art just; thou art merciful and kind forever;

Not Like Others

7/26/07

Only one of many

Watching as numbers surge and swell and decline all around.

Wondering where I fit in.

Many ways I turn I see places where others have made room.

For spaces of time I welcome the welcome,

But I keep watching for the place that is mine.

Few understand this urge for different.

I am not like others.

Others look for any fitting place and then seek to fit their choice.

I seek the place that is mine.

I have learned that to fit the places other seek and see,

The part that is me must be cut away.

Though I have often wondered why I am,

I have just as often discovered the drive to protect what is me.

I do not understand what that is, or why it should be so foreign

That so many shy away from it or attack with scorn in fear.

All I know is that I am not like others.

Understanding this in junior high made life a lot easier for me.  I did not have to feel like I had to fit in, like I needed to fit the patterns of the people around me. As a past bishop once taught, expectations can cause complications if we set them beyond healthy bounds. His point was more that we would find discouragement in failing expectations we could not realistically have achieved under our personal ability to ensure. I think this applies also to our place in the world and society around us. When we accept that we don't have to be like others, we will prove less susceptible to peer-pressure. The one place where I was vulnerable was at home, but in the past years I have learned I don't have to be like them or fit into the place they demanded either. And it feels good to know that I'm original. 

4: The Place Where I Belong

D&C 78:17-20

17 Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you;

18 And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.

19 And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.

20 Wherefore, do the things which I have commanded you, saith your Redeemer... who prepareth all things before he taketh you;

The Place Where I Belong

8/3/05

I lose myself to the world

In book, in dreams, in thought, in song

The world could care less to be lost of me

For the world is not where I belong.

For so long I have hid from the world's disregard

That I woke and knew not where to turn

Now I find myself in this place on my own

Yet, though alone, here, I know that I belong.

Here I can live by the truth that I seek

Here I can serve, every day, every week

Here I have peace, I have hope, I have song

Here is the place I belong.

There is a feeling of safety and peace and welcome found on temple grounds that has provided strength and security when no other source has been available. These last three poems were all written one evening as I sat on the Ogden Utah Temple grounds since I felt too overwhelmed to face going home. I do not go to the temple every day, and no longer every week, but even when no one else there knows who I am or what I may be struggling with, I and any service I'm able to manage is welcome without second guessing or judging. Indeed, I have often found a sometimes overwhelming amount of care given, perhaps as I am so unused to such attention.