13: Words

2 Samuel 22:37

Thou hast enlarged my steps under me; so that my feet did not slip.

Words

11/22/05

The words have gone, but deep inside I know I must write on.

Past pages speak

The dream held long within

Thoughts, hopes and fears

All spoken yet again

A future near yet out of sight

My heart longs to begin.

Soon I will tread

That hallowed path

Unknown what it will bring,

My path my own

Where I belong

To finally live my dream.

The peace inside

Holds still my heart

But this time, not in dread

This time I know

Instead of pain

My home still lays ahead.

The time long short

Draws to a close

Past strength spent and reborn

Yet here I am

To walk the path

Once entryway is shown.

It has become a recognizable pattern in my life that life and stress levels stay high enough for long enough that I fear I'll burn out until I'm terrified I'll somehow fail everything because I can't manage it all. I get to a point where I plead with Heavenly Father to make it stop so I don't fail and then He blesses me with strength to continue. Further down the road I wear out again and finally hit the point where I just don't have the energy to care anymore and I decide that I'll do what I can, but if everything falls apart, then so be it. And every time that happens, instead of falling apart, things finally start to fall together and it is suddenly not so hard anymore.

3: The Road to Happiness

Mark 10:16

And he took them up in his arms,

put his hands upon them,

and blessed them.

The Road to Happiness

8/3/05

The path to happiness is not an easy road

There is blistering heat and mind-numbing chills

There is loneliness, defeat, and, at times, despair.

But you can't let claim the victory.

Fight! Stand strong! Move forward!

There are joys amid the pain

Relief from aching heart

Peace defeats distress

Hope in spite of despair

Remember who you are and remember why you're here!

God loves us and He cares.

And we must all travel this road if we are to return to His loving embrace.

For that is where Happiness is.

No matter how low everything has been and felt and appeared, there has always been this voice inside of me that refuses to give up. And even when it seems unfathomable that God could be in the twisted reality seen all around and also ignored all around by those who weren't faced by it, the core of me has always clung to the truth above and that even if I couldn't see it, life was supposed to be good and if I just held on, all things would eventually find correction and resolution and the goodness of life I fought for would be found.

The scriptures have probably done the most in helping me hold onto this core belief. John  5:39 states, "Search the scriptures; for in them you think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me." Not everything will apply at every moment, but if you live well before the Lord, you will find guidance to the things that will help you keep going. For me, that has been encouragement, or promises, or recognition of my own situation. 'Fear not', 'I will be with you', 'My peace I leave with you', and 'every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters or father, or mother… for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.'