35 Who shall
separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or
persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
37 Nay, in all these
things we are more than conquerors
through him that loved us.
38 For I am
persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor
powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39 Nor height, nor
depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of
God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
The Legacy of Home
2/3/08
Who am I? Why does
He want me?
Why does being His
daughter give me value? Why should I have any rights? How dare I make any claim
on Him? Why should my existence have value to Him or anyone?
Only in doing good.
But I am not perfect, so when I am not good, where is the justification for
inflicting myself on others?
I have chosen Him. I
will never want to change that choice. At times I am appalled by my audacity
and ashamed of the nothing He has claimed as His own. A voice whispers that
this should not be so, but could someone please explain to me Why?
This is the
strongest example of the psychology of the abused finding voice in my poem
journal. This is what is left behind after constant belittlement, ridicule,
torment, and disgust by abusers. The feeling you must be perfect, that you have
no worth, the shame of existing in the first place, and if you can see that
it's not supposed to be that way, the complete incomprehension of why, how.
The gospel, church,
taught me the difference between what was and what should be. Years of
protection by hundreds of miles away from home has begun to teach me how life
can be without the abuse. As I find peace and security in the healthy, the hurt
has less hold and sway and the further I get in healing, the faster I'm able to
make progress.
The scriptures teach
the why. The fact is that God does love me. He does not and never has seen me
the way I was taught to see myself. As I recognize and accept His love and
patience with and acceptance of others around me I can begin to consider the
same for myself. It may not make sense to the me raised at home, but it no
longer has to because I can recognize the lunacy of life at home. And that home
is no more for me so I am free of it to focus on what is: that God does love me
and He wants me back with Him.
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