35: How? When

Isaiah 55: 8-9

8 For my thoughts are not your thought,

neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.

9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways,

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Mosiah 4:9

Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.

Isaiah 9: 6

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.

How? When

6/15/08

To face a fear so long a threat

To not fear the hurt they gave

To break the chains of fear they hold

To breathe free, feel calm, stay safe.

I wish I knew how not to fear

To believe no harm can be done

That the monsters of my past are dead

To believe that threat is gone.

Somehow he must become a face

Not one I've known for years

Somehow the threat must empty out

Somehow lay rest these fears.

They say he cannot hurt me

Though still he yet may try

They say I must just forward face

And leave these fears to die?

How?

But perhaps 'how?' is the wrong question - Better still is 'When'.

<Ralph Marston>

When

             the fears that hold you back

When your reasons to move forward outweigh your excuses for staying put, you will move forward.

…

…

…

When you are ready, life is here to fully live.

Choose it, and now is when.

Ralph Marston

The truth is not worrying so much about the how. The Lord will provide what is needed if we stay in tune with Him. He will also manage the speed. More often than not, in my efforts with the ultimate Counselor (see Isaiah 9:6) He has said 'not yet' more than He has said 'time to move on'. Whatever the timing is, when you are ready, the way will be there.

31: The Legacy of Home

Romans 8: 35, 37-39

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors

through him that loved us.

38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The Legacy of Home

2/3/08

Who am I? Why does He want me?

Why does being His daughter give me value? Why should I have any rights? How dare I make any claim on Him? Why should my existence have value to Him or anyone?

Only in doing good. But I am not perfect, so when I am not good, where is the justification for inflicting myself on others?

I have chosen Him. I will never want to change that choice. At times I am appalled by my audacity and ashamed of the nothing He has claimed as His own. A voice whispers that this should not be so, but could someone please explain to me Why?

This is the strongest example of the psychology of the abused finding voice in my poem journal. This is what is left behind after constant belittlement, ridicule, torment, and disgust by abusers. The feeling you must be perfect, that you have no worth, the shame of existing in the first place, and if you can see that it's not supposed to be that way, the complete incomprehension of why, how.

The gospel, church, taught me the difference between what was and what should be. Years of protection by hundreds of miles away from home has begun to teach me how life can be without the abuse. As I find peace and security in the healthy, the hurt has less hold and sway and the further I get in healing, the faster I'm able to make progress.

The scriptures teach the why. The fact is that God does love me. He does not and never has seen me the way I was taught to see myself. As I recognize and accept His love and patience with and acceptance of others around me I can begin to consider the same for myself. It may not make sense to the me raised at home, but it no longer has to because I can recognize the lunacy of life at home. And that home is no more for me so I am free of it to focus on what is: that God does love me and He wants me back with Him.

26: Hope

1 Peter 3: 15

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear.

Hope

2/18/07

The flame of hope wants to be shared

But must be guarded well

From those who have not eyes to see

Who'd try its strength to tell.

They blow to try your strength and will

To keep it burning on

They blow for fear what it will show

For long their flame's been gone.

So guard you precious hope and faith

From those who wish to kill

For doubt or fear - it matters not -

Just keep it burning still.

Hope can melt the ice of fear

And fuel the tired heart

And lift another's burden clear

And prompt a better start.

So guard your precious hope and faith

To share with those who see

That hope gives strength when wisely shared

And sets the bound heart free.

Out of faith, hope, and charity, hope is the least represented it seems. I see faith as the belief in something we may not understand that motivates us to act accordingly. Hope is the expectation that our faith is not in vain. I believe it is a symbiotic relationship - they feed each other. Without them, we may act, but it would not be the same for we would feel the actions were empty of meaning. This in turn would ultimately lead to abandoning the actions or resenting whatever actions we continued.

It is the original source of charity, the pure love Christ offered us that allows us the chance to have faith and hope. By overcoming the effects of death and sin, life and our actions have meaning again. Instead of emptiness there is a future possible of continued life for everyone. There is hope.